Dream

Ok, I just had a weird dream. I was working for a restaurant and it was shortly before closing. I got slammed and was trying to get to all of my tables. I look up and my ex, Chris, was at my section with his parents. I guess he didn't know I was working there and I panicked. I was so busy I had someone else pick it up for me, but he did in fact see me. This is an ex I still never really got over but in real life he did recently get married. His wife wasn't in my dream (go figure). He didn't say anything to me, he didn't smile at me, he didn't scowl at me. He was pretty indifferent but he did nod his head in my direction. I ended up in a school that looked similar to my old high school and I was there for some meeting. I was sitting with Erin McShane talking to her about the situation when Nessa came up to me because she overheard what happened. Despite the fact that she hasn't talked to me in almost a year, she asked me a few questions about what happened with Chris being in the restaurant like nothing happened with us. Other stuff happened like big wolf dogs (like in the Eclipse movies), big wrestlers posing to take pictures with me and whatnot.  It was just a weird dream and although it was uncomfortable, I do wish it would happen.

Oh dear

Written at 9:38 am. Posted 2:34 am (simply because I worked a double)

Last night around 1:30 I noticed that the internet was acting up, but I was really tired and didn't really think anything of it. Once I woke up around 9, I noticed I couldn't do anything. Cable wasn't working either. I swear, this happens once to twice a month in this house. I know Daylan said his bills were due around the first of the month, but did he just not pay for last month? Is that why they shut it off the second day of the month? In his defense, this does happen a lot and not just with the cable. It can be a sunny day outside but if the wind is blowing hard, then the power goes off. That happens a lot.

Reason number 1,664 I want to leave this god forsaken place.

However Daylan is notorious for telling me after I send him a text that he has to go to the store after work and pay the bill. Ha, speaking of the devil, he just sent me a text as I started to write all this saying "I'll stop by to pay it and I'm taking the dvr in the bedroom back since it never worked."

Well at least it's not the power. I forgot to charge my phone last night and had the power gone out, my "sleep in" alarm clock would have never gone off. Sleeping in is 9:30. I am normally awake by 8. With how often we lose power on a random occasion, that would suck. It especially sucks when on the rare occasion it rains we lose power. That happened the last two times it rained. Once was at night. I need power to charge my phone and we need power so the stuff in the fridge doesn't spoil. I woke up to rain and once again, no power. Oh let's not forget how I don't have cell phone reception in the lake house but I do when I get off Red Bluff Rd and get on Knickerbocker (one of the main roads in town which is five minutes away from the house).

Reason number 1,527.

What place loses power everytime it rains or gets windy?

I am not a family oriented person, at all. I  have never understood how one can keep in touch with family on such a constant basis. I love Daylan's mom but I have never understood how he could call her every other day on his way to work. It boggled my mind that Tom never cut the apron strings with his family. In fact, he is going to be 28 and is still living with his parents. He only lived away from them for two years of his entire life; one was spent married to me and one was with him in basic training and whatnot. After the separation, he moved back in with his parents. He is now re-married and the new wife is living with them as well.

My dad has been emailing me every few days regarding this move and it's torture to me. We have already discussed the issue. It's like beating a dead horse with a stick thinking the horse will get up. I already know the game plan and I wish he would leave it alone. He also keeps drilling into me that I need to work out my issues with my mother. Him going on and on and on about it isn't making me want to run into my mother's arms and patch things up with her any faster.

The thing is, he is now sending me more emails because I stopped responding to them. How many times can I answer the same questions? I went six months without talking to them and I was completely fine with it. I hope they don't think that just because I am moving back means I am going to talk to them every day.

Take a sip, turn the page and zzzzzzz

A new nightly tradition may be in the works. Lately I've been looking forward to reading Gone With The Wind in bed (since apparently it's the only place I read it), with a glass of wine. The wine helps me wind down and makes it easier for me to sleep. I don't have to take my sleeping pills as much. Granted it's just Barefoot Moscato but hey this is a big step for me. I only like this and two other kinds of wine. Oh, and it seems as though I've been blogging every night before I go to bed as well.

I was originally trying to watch movies on my laptop in bed, but I found that I wanted to pay attention too much so I could see where I left off on. That just seemed to be counter productive so I opted to not do that anymore. I tried to listen to music, but I noticed that I would wake up whenever the songs changed over or there was a song that I really liked. Sometimes music helps, but it has to be something long and/or continuous like classical or techno. Why techno? Because an entire cd will sound like one long song if it is smooth enough. I love techno remixes (the kind with lyrics) but the effortless transitional kinds of techno go great with me when it comes to going to sleep. I can't detect where one song begins and the other one ends.  I'm just really out of touch with techno. I tried to do the audio book as I slept, since it's Daylan's thing, but I want to pay attention to the story too much. What I have noticed works is if I am reading in bed. For some reason, despite the fact that I love to read, it always makes me drowsy even if the book is phenomenal. Add wine to it, and it seems like the perfect recipe to give me first class tickets to dream land.

Now I'm not saying that this is a bad tradition to keep, but I do find it interesting that I have been doing this. Oh, I added twenty something new songs to my playlist so those of you who don't mute it, you should enjoy some of it.

What does everyone else seem to do right before they go to bed?

What Baby wants, Baby gets.

Well Daylan and I got into a fight last night.

I went to Walmart to get out of the house for a little while and he stayed at home to play video games. While I was walking around, a question popped in my head and I wanted to ask before I forgot it. The following conversation was completely via text while I was walking around trying to find the deals I was looking for (to no avail). It all started when I asked him when we were going to move me to Florida. It was more a specific time in the day than a specific day. It started at 7:49pm.

Me: So when are we going to Florida?
Him: Dunno yet, I still need to request off but I'd like to wait until the 15th.
Me: .........I told you about the fact that I put my two week notice in almost two and a half weeks ago. So you want me to wait almost two weeks later to move? And you still haven't put it in the books?!
Him: I'll wait till you get home since I'm not going to be able to get in word in anyways.
Me: Damn right you won't be able to! Go ask if you can borrow money from your dad and pay him back when you get your check! I told the lawyer my last day of work was the 4th. My last day of work IS the 4th. You want me to sit around the house for two weeks?! I will be getting it from my lawyer and my parents if I am not there when I would I would be. I told you when I put my notice in! (Hell, his dad owes us big time anyway with the headaches we have had to endure and the money we have lost. If you don't remember, here is your reminder courtesy of me.)
Him: I have told Joe already that I'm going to take you back to Florida. The request book hasn't been in the store for two weeks. (How is that my fault? So I have to suffer and sit at the house because the request off book wasn't there for TWO WHOLE WEEKS?)
Me: And it never occurred to you to call or text Joe and see where it was? Really? And have you even tried, for longer than a night, to find a job in Florida or did you stop after that one night? Knowing you, you didn't even continue to look and have been telling everyone that "there aren't any jobs there."
Him: I know where it is. Priscilla has it (Joe's wife. Go figure.)
Me: You didn't think to ask Joe to grab it since she obviously doesn't need it for a full two weeks?
Him: I'm not going to argue with you and I'm not going to be talked to like this.
Me: Oh so you'd rather I sit in the house, unemployed, for two weeks explaining to people in Florida that I can't be there because YOU failed to get the time off required to help me get to Florida? Fuck you! You have know about this! I asked you about this and you said it was ok. I also asked you to find a job in Florida because I do not ever want to come back to San Angelo, ever. There isn't anything here and clearly you will never advance at that damn store. They refuse to pay you your bonus checks for the past year and a half but CLEARLY none of that matters.
Him: I will get time off. I wanted to wait so I would have enough money to go to Florida. (So what has he been doing with his money this past month?)
Me: So borrow money and pay them back when you get your check. I'm sure Grammie will understand.
Him: Since most of my bills are due at the beginning of the month.
Me: And you fucking failed to mention that to me two weeks ago when I put my notice in?!? You told me I had 30 days to find a job in Florida so I picked a date, told you and then told you when I finally put my notice in. Christ you are unreal!
Him: Riiiight. This coming from you. (And if I wasn't already pissed to the point of seeing red, this comment surely would have got me there.)
Me: Hey I have made the effort to get my shit together to leave this god forsaken place when you told me there was a deadline. What have you done other than get screwed by Sonic? Why didn't you tell me before I put in my notice to postpone it because of the bills especially when I have told you the conversations with my dad and with the lawyer. Now I have to say "Whoops! I lied!"
Him: We will go to Florida the weekend after you quit.

That ended at 8:33pm.

Now to some of you that will seem over the top but there are reasons behind why I was so upset. I have a meeting scheduled to meet face-to-face with my lawyer after I move there to discuss how mediation is going to go. I can't just reschedule that again and possibly postpone mediation. That looks bad on me. I was supposed to be back in Florida last September. Then I said I would be there in January. Then I said I would be there in May. I can't keep postponing it. Let's not mention the fact that there has been a lack of communication on Daylan's end. He knew my last day was the beginning of the month.

Another reason I was so upset. Cheddars has been hiring a bunch of new staff and within a week most of them will be on the floor by themselves. Who knows if there will be room for me on the floor plan after the 4th! I would be in the area for two weeks unable to pick up shifts because I'd be an extra begging people to have their sections so they could go home. Had I known about this from the beginning, I would have taken the  two week notice and adjusted the date so that I wouldn't run into this problem. I talked to two of my managers today and they said my continuing to pick up shifts shouldn't be a problem. Neither of them saw any reason as to why that should be a problem, especially since they aren't going to want a ton of new people on the floor at the same time. I may have only been there for five or six months, but I still don't require a lot of attention and it's fairly easy to work with me. I'm going to fail to mention any of that to Daylan. He obviously left vital information out so I am going to make him think that there wasn't any more room for me since I said the 4th was my last day at work. He is oblivious to most things anyway. Maybe next time he will make it a point to not leave important details out since my finances are involved in that too.

Oh, that night I got a letter from my lawyer telling me that my mediation date is September 26th and that if I was unable to make it, it was imperative to call him but that not making that meeting, or postponing it, would be an unwise decision on my part. I agree 100%.

Yes I was mean and yes I let him have it but in the end, he saw my point. I refused to talk to him when I got home and I practically threw the pizza and cookies he had been bugging me for (for the past day) on the counter. He later hugged me and said that I wasn't allowed to text like that when I was away ever again.

All I care about is that I won the argument, got my point across and got my way. As it should be. ;)

Is this so out of reach?

I just read that two of my best friend's are going to be great uncles. They are 30, their nephew and his girlfriend, both of which are 18 are living with them and the nephew announced his girlfriend's pregnancy. It wasn't that long ago that this same 18 year old boy was engaged to another girl but that relationship ended around the beginning of the year (shortly after the engagement).

I know they were having sex because they were living together, but is birth control such a foreign option? If she was on it, she wouldn't be pregnant. I do understand that some still get pregnant on it because it's not 100% but part of me is screaming, in the back of my mind, that they are so stupid and irresponsible! They are only 18! It's going to take longer to do what they want to do with their lives and it will be harder. Having a child isn't a death penalty and their lives may in fact be better because of this baby but why at 18?

Do they plan on getting their own place now? Are they going to get married? Are they even going to stay together? Will they be able to provide for this child? Was she on birth control and they both decided she should stop so they could in fact have a baby?

It's not just them; it's so many teens. I thought my hometown was bad about teenage pregnancies but San Angelo is far worse. We have a hostess that is 17 and has a 2yr old son. She was pregnant at 14! We have another hostess who is 17 and is 22 weeks pregnant. Was it so difficult to get on the pill? I don't know about San Angelo, but the health department in Fort Walton could let you be on the pill free of charge and they even give you a small paper bag full of condoms for every visit. You could get them free! I do realize that in the heat of the moment, you can forget to put a condom on but that is why birth control is a great back-up plan.

Yes, I was pregnant at 19 but it was because I got off my pill too soon before Chris went off to basic training. Had I just paid for the extra cycle and stayed on it for two months after he would have left, I would have been fine. And of course had I believed my separated husband was using a condom whenever I was drunk, I would have been ok. Now I'm on an IUD so I don't have any surprises. (Yes I do in fact want another pregnancy but surprises just can't be in the equation at the moment). Those two instances, I was on birth control but stopped it too soon because I didn't see the point on being on the pill when my boyfriend was going to be away at a military college halfway across the country. I was also still legally married to my separated husband and we were trying to work things out.

Yes, I may sound like a hypocrite but I also didn't keep those babies because I KNEW that it would be a bad idea and I was on birth control for four years before the first pregnancy.

Is it really so difficult to avoid pregnancy? No. Actually, it's very easy.

Are you ready for the answers you are searching (ahem snooping) for?

I just finished watching Little Black Book on Netflix. I suddenly had a bug and wanted to watch something from Britney Murphy, even though I was not really a fan. It was cute, but it was not something I would buy. It was a mediocre comedy, which wasn't really funny as it was awkward.

For those who haven't seen it, the main character, Stacy,  is with a guy for a year. They move in together and she lands a job for a talk show. She has to watch shows at home to learn the format when her boyfriend's ex girlfriend, who conveniently happens to be a supermodel, is one of the people on the show. Stacy is blown away by the fact that her average boyfriend dated a supermodel and failed to even mention it to her. He keeps beating around the bush, which makes Stacy wonder exactly why he hid this from her. If it wasn't a big deal, why make the obvious effort to hide it?

She decides to go through his cell phone, which all this was before the iPhones were out, and discovers quite a bit about her guy. She schedules interviews with these ex girlfriends and pretends that they are going to be part of the show that she is employed for and gets personal information about these woman, especially when it comes to her boyfriend. Information such as the fact that he meets up with one ex, who is a gynocologist, so she can have regular visits with the dog, Bob. He frequently meets up with another, who really was the love of his life. He had her meet his parents and go on vacations together when Stacy has never met them because he "doesn't bring girls home". The ex also didn't know about Stacy because he never mentioned that he was in a relationship. They promised they wouldn't mention anyone else unless the other relationship was serious while Stacy is living with her boyfriend and has been with him for a year. Or was it that she stayed there all the time and practically lived there? Either way, the ex didn't even know he was dating someone....at all. Stacy begins to find lots of lies and inconsistencies which ultimately leads her to the realization that while she loves her boyfriend and he is a great guy, they just aren't meant to be together. He is meant to be with one of the ex's that Stacy grows to love, so she lets him go.

Of course all this is live and on the air for the tv show she works for.

Many people would say that she got what was coming to her. "If it's not broke, don't fix it." I see more behind the story. She really did like this guy and when a little red flag came up, her woman's intuition chimed in. It did ultimately break up her relationship but it solved a lot of questions. It also ultimately helped him answer some own questions in his mind. Are you supposed to ignore your mind when it tries to figure something like that out? Wouldn't you want to know? Ignorance is not always bliss. There are things that we need to know. And she made a good point. "No, you don't have to tell me everything, but shouldn't you want to tell me everything? If we are sharing our lives together, why aren't we sharing our lives together?" No one is going to be comfortable with the fact that their lover still talks to their ex (or exes) but we certainly don't want to find out that it's been going on in secret. And shouldn't your partner want to share the fact that they've been seeing someone?

In the end, I watched the movie and thought that it could have been done so much better, but the point was still made. Kudos on the message but the delivery needed a hell of a lot of work.