Friday, March 4, 2011

I'm so unmotivated when I am groggy

Waking up from taking a sleeping pill was a pretty good reminder. I forgot how groggy I can be when I wake up from it. I woke up on my own, but it felt like I was jolted awake. I could have easily gone back to sleep, but I was already asleep for nine hours. Any longer and I would have been groggy from too much sleep, which has been my norm lately. I don't know why I've been sleeping, naturally, ten to twelve hours a night. I know it's excessive but any less means I'm napping in the afternoon. At least the pills taste good. I've always been good about taking pills without water, but this is easier because it has a sweet coating to it. I just took one now so I won't be so groggy when I wake up in nine hours.

Today was pretty uneventful. There were things that I wanted to do or get accomplished but it took a while for the after effects of the sleeping pill (just one horse pill) to wear off. Taking a walk just didn't seem to happen, and neither did the cleaning I wanted to do. I did watch two movies from my childhood while I ironed the rest of Daylan's work clothes. Cool World and Neverending Story 2 aren't as good as I remembered. Apparently my taste in movies were horrible. LOL. I didn't remember Brad Pitt being in Cool World. It's always a nice treat for me. The added bonus was that he sounded like Leonardo DiCaprio with the 50's ganster accent. Both movies was a pleasant trip down memory lane despite how mediocre they were.

I did manage to find some more printable coupons so Daylan says we are going to go to his grandparents office tomorrow afternoon to print them. He says they have economy sized printers there so hopefully I can get that done within twenty minutes as opposed to the 2.5hrs it took on his father's dinosaur of a computer. We are going to do that after we have lunch at Subway.

Something else I did, before I got dinner started, was to prepare stuff in the morning. Usually I can do what I need to without forgetting something, but it's been ten months since I've had to get ready for something work related. I got my oatmeal prepared with the jar of apple sauce behind it (it will be apple cinnamon), a cup of ready made coffee ready with it, green tea to bring with me, clothes set up, a note to bring baby carrots to snack on and paperwork in my purse. I already took a shower and washed my hair so I wouldn't be rushed. It will give me an hour and fifteen minutes to get ready and hopefully still keep relaxed in the process. It will also give me time to wake up and kick the after effects of the sleeping pill.

Oh, I usually don't post what I make for dinner, but there is no harm in doing so periodically.

Sweet and Sour Pork



This is a prettier version of a dish I already made. I have been posting pictures of the food I cook for several reasons. It is my version of a humble brag, it shows people that I am capable of doing dishes that are inspirational (for someone who is NOT known for cooking) and it helps me to pick a favorite dish to cook for company.

Anyway, this is Sweet and Sour Pork. The sauce was made on the side with white vinegar,cornstarch, water, sugar, soy sauce, ketchup and habenero sauce. The pork was cooked first, then separated. The vegetables cooked to soften. I added carrots to the dish. It called for a colored pepper and onions, so I just used red for each and did the portions by what I felt was necessary. I didn't have tomatoes so I left it out but once the vegetables were softened, I put in the sauce and let it thicken. I added the pork and pineapple chunks at the very end. Once again, I made too much sauce. I just served it with asparagus boiled in water seasoned with pepper and garlic powder. This is definitely a "do-again" dish.

Well, this is where I am going to end it. Daylan is playing a computer game in the other side of the house and I think my sleeping pill is kicking in early. I'm all lotioned up, combed and now I'll go ahead and try to pass out. Reading will just have to wait another night. Maybe tomorrow night.

Think before you speak...

Social networking medias are simply making things seem so irrelevant lately. Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter constantly ask "What is on your mind?" and people will post the most ridiculous things. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's helpful, but I don't need to know that you are going to go to the bathroom and then take a shower. I don't need to know how many times you woke up last night. I don't even want to know about how sad you are that you are on your period. Most of the time, those thoughts can be kept to yourself.

What is worse are some of the comments people leave on people's status updates, links, blogs etc. I really don't care to know that you think homosexuals should not marry because it is a sin to be that way. I don't care that you think a particular artist is trash when the post is about how much the person likes the artist. I don't care that you think something is cruel when it doesn't do any harm at all. Don't make comments about pregnancy that are ignorant because there are people who will take offense and correct you. Don't make light on an illness because someone who has more knowledge and experience will tell you off.

People think they are so knowledgeable and educated on topics because they googled it. Not only does it piss me off, but it pisses my friends off. Don't say that your baby (since this is your first live pregnancy) is doing something that the rest of us know can't happen yet. I have people who have had more kids than you have ever been pregnant that will tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are wrong. Don't say anything that could remotely make you sound like you have no clue what you are talking about. I keep my mouth shut because I don't feel like continuing a debate, but I sure as hell am not going to keep comments like that on my page.

You don't know who you may offend when you open your mouth. Make sure what you have to say has validity. If you don't care who you offend, then the problem is you and not everyone else. Make sure your verbal filter is turned on and on high at all times.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

A dream journal

I finally started one. Somewhere amongst the facebook status updates and my myspace blog entries are other dreams, but I'm not going to go and try to find them. This is the next best thing.

http://entermydreamstate.blogspot.com/2011/03/little-from-beginning.html

I hope you enjoy it. The first entry is extremely basic, but perhaps I can really delve into it whenever I wake up from a dream. I typically blog at night but maybe I can start working on this one in the mornings. One can hope, correct?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Homesick

Today was a so-so day for me. I'm really hoping that when I start this new job that my energy will increase and my motivation will increase. I've just been so lonely that I never want to do anything. All I want to do is veg out on the computer or at the tv because it's all I can do. Daylan isn't here and when he is, he's playing his video games. Half the time it doesn't bother me because I have shows recording, dinner to cook or I want to write.

Lately I've been skyping with friends. It's been mostly Cory. Today I finally got to talk to Dennis. We ended that conversation about an hour ago and all I've been doing is crying. I'm just blaming it on the onions I chopped. I miss my friends so damn much. I miss hanging out with my son. And Nessa deleted Mikey and Dennis (and won't accept the friend request) so she may be gone forever. I know she blocked me. The fight we had in October was bad but it wasn't that bad. I just miss my friends.

I'm lucky that Brandon, Cory, and Case can occasionally skype. I miss talking to Kristen, but she is in St. Louis. Dennis finally started to use his account again. I'm lucky I can talk to them so I don't have to have a phone and so I can see them. It makes it easier but it's not like having them face to face on a couch with me. Now I know what military wives feel like when their husbands are overseas. You're lucky you get the chance to see them and talk to them, but it's not the same. You can't do things with them or go places with them.

I hope by Saturday my mood will improve. I hope I work full time and make bank so I can keep my mind off of how much I miss everyone in Florida and how much I love them.

If I never saw this man again, I'd be fine.

There was once a time that I liked Daylan's dad, but my opinion of him changed the first day I met him. Kaydee was in the hospital because she had given birth to Caleb. That was when I met Greg. I don't remember what was said or how it came about but I was pinned to the hospital room in front of everyone but no one paid attention. He wasn't being threatening but that was not my idea of a good way to feel someone out. Daylan didn't do anything so it wasn't bad enough to bother him. Ever since then, my opinion of his father has been horrible.

That man has done nothing but disgust me for the past three years. He tried to take me out to lunch behind Daylan's back. When he stayed the night in my son's room (Daylan was in my room playing video games), he asked me when I was going to leave his son to be with him. Daylan's room, in Texas, didn't have a door. It had vertical blinds. I was changing into a corset and he decided to open the blinds to talk to me. On my first trip to Texas, I was on the phone with him so I could stay awake. He thought it would be appropriate to ask me when I was going to clean his house, the first day or the second day of my arrival. He's sent me obnoxious texts. He has spread lies saying I am evil, manipulative, money hungry, a compulsive liar etc and then the whole family in Texas hated me for a while. Finally Daylan stepped in. The thing is, this man isn't even attractive. He is charming when it benefits him. His younger brother said it best, "Greg's best isn't always good."

I'm not even sure why his 4th wife is with him! A few months after they got married, they went to Florida to visit Kaydee since she had her second child. Within a week, a $10,000 bill was rang up on his wife's card. Not his card, not their mutual card but her card. Of course she knew the gas and hotel bills would be on there and perhaps a slightly higher restaurant tab but she never thought the next bill statement would come back with over 10K worth of debt. He pretty much single-handedly began the demise of her credit. Not only that, but he was buying guns and ammo with her card because he wasn't allowed to buy any yet (with his times in jail/prison). He even paid Daylan back half the money he was owed from her credit card. Daylan and I were talking about this, and we both think we would have left the other if this happened three months after getting married.

This is what you get when you are married after knowing someone for a year.

The thing is, everyone thinks that this man shits platinum bars. He was in jail for either tax fraud or evasion (Daylan's not quite sure). He is in his 4th marriage. He cheated on Daylan's mother and then brainwashed the two kids for years that their step-dad was the one who ruined their family. Daylan never knew until I told him, in a fit of anger, a year and a half ago when I said he was beginning to turn out to be his father's son. He got upset and called his mother to ask if it was true. He then learned, once again, that his father is a compulsive liar (yet I'm supposed to be one according to Greg). And god he is horrible with money!

Greg was supposed to do Daylan's tax return. He constantly told Daylan "It's coming" and yet Daylan never received his money last year. Greg somehow got Daylan's $1400 transferred into his account instead of Daylan's. Daylan never got his money. Greg said he could help Daylan flip his money through a family friend (even Daylan knows his grandfather used the guy). Daylan put in $1000 and got a month later that the money was doubled. We were both told the money would be in his account within a month. Three months later, all Daylan got was $1000, the money he put in. Greg took the other $1000 but he paid him back with his wife's card and didn't tell her. I was furious with Daylan. "Why did you let your dad do that? Why did you let him get away with it?!?" Daylan kept saying "Because I wanted to believe he changed. I don't want to think that I can't trust my dad." When Daylan was sixteen years old, he worked all summer outside to get $1200, but his dad had to be the joint holder since Daylan was still a minor. Greg went to jail and Daylan noticed that $1200 was missing. Daylan didn't have a debit card and we wanted to go to North Carolina for Daylan's step-father's family reunion so Daylan gave Greg the money, the day and the time. A month later the tickets weren't bought. We were supposed to fly out a week later. Daylan's grandmother had to buy our tickets for us and they ended up being triple the price. Oh, Daylan also wired money into Greg's account to pay his phone bill. He never did pay it. Daylan's plan got cancelled. His grandmother had to pay for that as well, especially since he had proof of wiring money to Greg. Everyone in the family knows Greg's history with money.

Daylan finally had enough and bought a book on money investments with the stock market, real estate etc. We are both so tired of money disappearing. The $2000 we were supposed to get was to move me back to FL but we don't have it. The $1400 was to start saving for our wedding but we never got it. Daylan finally had enough sense to go and have his taxes done himself, so he actually got his money back....for once. Greg has no remorse for stealing as much money from his own son as he did. He has no remorse for anything. He is still coming up with excuses as to what happened.

Most of this happened before the family turned on me and then began to like me again. That was the day when I told Daylan that Greg, and his 4th wife, were forbidden to even come to the wedding. I don't want them having an invite. I don't want them knowing where it is. I will have them kicked out if they show up. Kathy, his 4th wife, is just as bad at Greg. She came to our house at 8am banging on the door throwing stuff at Daylan because she believed what Greg told her about me. Anytime she sees me, Daylan is with me. The family did see me for three hours a week, max. I rarely talk in those houses yet she not only believed everything but decided to show her ass at our house. Oh, and they both walked in through my locked back door while I was taking a nap, in just a shirt and thong, without telling me they would be coming around. I told them both that I didn't want to talk to them. I didn't want them calling me and yet they unlocked my door. This was back in October.

Ugh.

Ok, my rant is done. I'm sorry if this seems so scrambled. Daylan and I are both going to read that book and see if we can get our money in order. Greg is not going to be involved. Hell he isn't even going to be involved with the small restaurant that Daylan and his uncle will be running. Greg won't be allowed in the back of the restaurant and he won't be allowed to touch the safe or the register. With all the problems this man has caused, especially in the 10 months I've lived in Florida, I'd be happy to never see him again and Daylan is being respectful of that.

Monday, February 28, 2011

My two awesome accomplishments for today.

People don't understand that being in a house pretty much all day everyday gets to be a bit old after a while, especially if you aren't driving and don't know a whole lot of people in the area. Even if I borrowed the car, I really didn't have a lot of options as far as places to go or people to see so I just sit in the house. The only voices I hear and the only people I talk to till Daylan comes home are from facebook or random tv shows. I finally decided that enough was enough and I wanted to get a job.

Yesterday I went and filled out four applications for restaurants close to the house and we decided to drop them off today. It was 3pm so we were in between the lunch and dinner rushes. The first three places were completely dead, which is what I expected. The last restaurant actually had cars in it. Not only that but half of the restaurant was packed during this "off" time when every other place only had a few tables occupied. It certainly was an interesting thing to see.

I handed my application to a waiter and he asked if I wanted to go ahead and do an interview. I was already there so why not? The manager sat me down and barely looked at my application. He asked me a few questions. He saw that all my other jobs were in Florida, so he asked how I liked it in Texas. I'm use to a beach area with rain so I told him that this was a big change. I did make it clear that while I had ten years of experience in the food industry that only ten months of it was restaurant experience and only three or four months of that was waitressing experience. I told him I wasn't working for a while, but it was because I didn't need to. I told him I was now working so we could pay for a wedding. Fib. He didn't need to know the real reason but he just smiled and nodded. He asked me about the last restaurant so I told him that I probably couldn't handle more than four restaurants, honesty is the best policy, but that I'm use to working a lot. At Sonic I worked 60+ hours so that wasn't a lie. My hours were being cut, business was slow so I left. The restaurant really did shut down, but I guess I made it seem like it shut down shortly after I left. If he tries to call, he won't get anywhere. From what I understand, the building is gutted. He said that my having food experience is good and my lack of restaurant experience is also great. They apparently are revamping rules and whatnot so I can be trained with "good behaviors and habits." He said that I have right people person personality that he is looking for, despite my saying I am shy at first. He said that if I needed extra days for training I could have it. I asked if he wanted me to be a hostess first so I could get a better understanding of the menu and he said it wasn't necessary. He apparently either really wanted me to be a waitress or was in desperate need for a waitress. Either way I was in the right place at the right time. Orientation and paperwork is on Saturday. He told me to expect to be there for about three hours so 9am-noon.

Yeah, I wasn't expecting to be hired on the spot.



By next week I will be a waitress for Cheddars. This is one of the busiest restaurants in San Angelo. He said it is a 3.2 million dollar a year restaurant. Daylan says it is really good and usually packed. How can I not make money if it is busy? I have heard from Daylan's family that a lot of parties and business meetings are held there. I am definitely excited at the idea of making a shit ton of money. I just have to get use to the pace, to the menu, to holding a tray full of food (again) and see if I can advertise myself. I'll be doing all this fun stuff again.





I'm just hoping that I've learned how to better control my temper. I don't tolerate people yelling at me or giving me a hard time because they came in that way. I don't kiss ass. It's good trait in real life but a bad trait to have at work.

After we got done with that, Daylan of course started calling people to share the news. He seemed really proud of me. We went and got our grocery shopping done. Once again I couldn't use a lot of my coupons, but I did explain to Daylan that Albertson's and HEB is great for just groceries, but places like Walgreens, CVS and Rite Aid (which we don't have here) are best for toiletries, laundry detergent and other items. If I remember correctly, you can double coupons there. I think it is finally starting to sink into his head a bit. He just hates having to shop in more than one place. Anyway, this is how we did this week.


Here are the stats: what we spent was $76.15 and saved $57.93. That is a 76% savings! Assuming my math is correct,that is the best I've done yet! It's not a lot of stuff for $76 but we had a lot of $.88 or $1.88 deals. The chicken was buy one get two free so we got a little over 6lbs of chicken for $18 or so. Daylan that while he loves red meat, he thinks it would be a good idea to stick with mostly chicken. 
The two boxes of cereal were $1.88 a box, and I got the kiddy sugary cereal for Daylan. I find that stuff disgusting. The six things of yogurt were 2 for $.88, so I couldn't pass it up. The cream cheese was BOGO for the generic brand. I bought a pack of red beans (not realizing that I already had some), sour cream, eggs were half off so they were $.88. The two mustards were 3 for $5. Green onions for 2 for $.88, as were the grapefruit. The cantaloupe was $1.88. The nutella was about $2.50 with my dollar off coupon. That was a treat for me. The milk, tub plug, bagels and sour cream weren't any special deals, but we needed it. The three boxes of velvetta shells were $1.88 each. I got three different kinds. Salsa was 2 for $5. The grapes for $1.88/lb and I think it was just over a pound. The ranch wasn't on sale. 
 A lot of these we could have got the generic brands but Albertson's was giving away extra game pieces for certain items. We are missing one piece on a few prizes. If I am going to play, I might as well play hard. Yes I could have saved a few more bucks, but we could win some pretty big prizes. It's worth a try right? I'm just happy we saved almost as much as we spent. It's the best we've done so far. It's no 95% savings like the people who are into extreme couponing, but I'm not doing too bad with the coupons and in store deals for being only a few months into it and only shopping at one store a week. I'd really be saving more if the store would double the store coupons with the manufacturing coupons and if fresh stuff was cheaper. I've said in numerous blog posts how fresh produce, meats, milk and cheeses will give you high grocery bills. I did cut back on the vegetable purchases since I have frozen (fresh) produce in the freezer. I only grabbed green onions and a red pepper for dishes I plan to make soon. 
In between all this we went to T-Mobile to look if there were any phones that fit the three criteria that I want but I didn't find anything immediately. We did go to Hastings to buy some movies. Buy two used and get another for $1. I also finally got the newest Linkin Park cd for $9, which is the cheapest I've seen it. We decided laundry could wait to be done on a later day since we didn't have as much as we normally do.
All in all, the day wasn't horrible. I didn't get much else accomplished but I think today was a good day.


Sunday, February 27, 2011

Making a list and checking it twice...or I could just go with it with a smile

Part of a lesson I learned is to simply block out all negative thoughts and focus on things that make you happy. Once you have rewired your brain, even for the moment, you then focus on things you want, things you want to accomplish, people you want to meet and it is supposed to calm you down.

I sat here in my room. My eyes are closed, my tv show is paused, and all I hear is the fan blowing on me. I tune out the white noise and the sound that is replaced is the inhalation of breath, the exhalation of breath and the warm thud of my heart. My skin tingles as I am cooled, even though I am sitting with a blanket on me. Breathe in, breathe out. What do I want to focus on? I lean my head back till it rests on my padded brown suede headboard. Think. Think. Think. In a split second, my mind's eye fast forwards through images. It stops instantly on one word: happy. There we go. Sometimes it is not always that easy. It isn't always so cut and dry. I am a list-maker and I sort out idea and errands by making numerous lists. I open my eyes slowly, turn on some music and decide that rather than focus on what I can do to make myself happy, I want to think of everything I can in this time span that already makes me happy.

What better than to create a playlist of songs that are currently my favorites. If popping my knuckles didn't hurt me immensely, I'd take a deep breath and pop away. Instead of doing that, I pull up my hair and apply baby petroleum jelly to my lips. I know, it's a bit ludicrous, but it's what I am doing for this. I'm also going to stick to my tried and true thing; lists.

  • Sleeping
  • Texting friends
  • Watching movies or tv shows
  • Walking
  • Taking pictures
  • Reconnecting
  • Hearing my son's laugh
  • Hanging out with my friends
  • Writing
  • Taking pictures
  • Putting makeup on myself
  • Spending money
  • Saving money
  • Visiting new places
  • Meeting new people
  • Facebook
  • Burning cds
  • Having dinner with friends
  • Going to Emerald City
  • Touching animals
  • Relaxing in a comfy bed
  • Grocery shopping
  • Pampering myself
  • Eating food
  • Finding some awesome clothes (which is rare)
  • Getting a new elephant item
  • Holding hands
  • Washing hair color out of my hair
  • Eating raw oysters
  • Baking 
  • Laughing at stupid stuff
  • Hugging my son when he tells me he loves me
  • Sleeping in
  • Getting dressed up
  • Making lists and/or planning things out
  • Getting a massage
  • Playing new games (board or cards)
  • Collecting movies and tv series
  • Buying new bras, underwear or lingerie
  • Hearing Daylan say he loves me
  • Looking at wedding stuff
  • Watching storms/being in storms
  • Documentaries
  • Astronomy
  • Dinosaurs
  • Marine Biology
  • Paranormal activities
  • Topics of mystery such as the Bermuda Triangle and other topics
  • Horror movies, stand-up comedies and dance genre movies
  • Eating healthy
  • Taking hot baths
  • Sitting by an open fire in a fireplace
  • Winning a debate
  • Making someone else laugh
  • Learning something new
  • Opening presents
  • Cashing/depositing paychecks

The only thing you can do in life is sit and concentrate on the things that make you happy. There are more things, but this is what I thought of in a short period of time.