Back when I was 20, I had a normal body for a girl that age. I still had a wide waist but at least I had a flat stomach. I have the average body of a mother my age, but it still drives me crazy that I can not get rid of this stomach. Whatever happened to it going away after Gabriel was born? Oh that's right, my abdominal muscles are stretched.
I've certainly been doing better about eating healthier. I know that I should do portion controlling when I cook and that I shouldn't eat past a certain time but I don't see that being a huge factor. I stopped cooking with the nasty Hamburger Helper garbage months ago and started cooking my own main dishes. Daylan is finally on board with buying fresh vegetables for our sides. Of course our money is going faster since meat and produce can't ever have coupons. My coupons haven't been used as often because I am trying to stay away from processed foods. There is so much unnecessary stuff in that kind of things. I do try to substitute milk for water in cooking/baking and adding more cheese to stuff but it hasn't been helping too much. It also doesn't help that I am constantly hungry. We are trying to not buy everything in the store because groceries tend to be $70 a week (now that I am trying to buy fresh stuff) and we don't have room to be storing stuff.
I really should get back into walking. I stopped a month ago because of my ankle. When I thought it was getting better, it really wasn't. However the pain hasn't been an issue for the past two weeks. The ankle brace has been off and the weather is so much more suitable for being outside. I just don't have the motivation. I was doing a lot of walking back in September because I was going through a lot of emotional stuff. I really distanced myself from Daylan and he wasn't listening to what I said I needed. I did a lot of talking on the phone. Since I pace when I talk, I just decided to be on the phone and do laps on the road that loops past the house. Now things have calmed down and things are back to normal so I don't have as much of a need to be on the phone.
I wish I could get Daylan to be more interactive with me when it comes to this. It would be great if I had the support but he always complains about walking. He could stand to lose 10-20lbs too. He is starting to look too much like his dad and his midsection is not leaving a lot to be desired. When he comes home, he wants to play video games. He promised me that he would not play from 11am-10pm but that promise lasted three days before he was back to his old habits. It would be great if I had the support of Daylan when it came to at least being more physically active and simply walk with me. If he could do that (and not talk about Sonic or video games), then this could be a great thing for us.
I'm ready to have a flatter stomach. I'm ready to not worry about t-shirts clinging too tightly around my stomach or looking too wide in dresses. I'm ready for my jeans to fit again and for my thighs to decrease in diameter. My main concern is my waist. I'm also ready to be able to wear something sexy that fits. If I get a corset or anything of that nature to fit my bust then it is too big in the waist. If I get something to fit the waist, then it is too small in the bust. You would think that this wouldn't be a problem. Yes my stomach protrudes and I look like I am 17 weeks pregnant. Gabriel's aunt is that far along and she is as big as I am. I am tired of looking pregnant because my abdominal muscles are stretched. I don't want to have a tummy tuck be my only option. I also have that wide waist that makes me look like a boy from the front (if you can get past the breasts). My narrow hips don't help so I clearly don't have that hour glass shape. From the bust to the waist to the hips is literally a straight line.
If I had base access, I could go to the gym for free but gym memberships are expensive. Oh why must they be expensive? Granted I know the answer but it doesn't help my cause. I have been wanting to get either the P90X or the Insanity work-out dvds but there is no way I am spending $120 plus shipping and handling for it. I had the opportunity of getting the P90X for $35 here and Daylan promised me he would buy it for me as a "welcome home" gift but he never did. So far, no one is selling either on Craigslist and I don't have the money to go and buy it. It would be nice if I had the support of him doing it with me, but we would have to reorganize the house so we could do it together. I know I'll fail if I try to do it on my own.
Something needs to be done. Trying to eat healthy isn't helping. I want to drop 10-15lbs. I want to be careful just how I lose it because, to be honest, I am vain and I don't want to lose my breasts. Because I have a wide waist, narrow hips and a small butt, it is the only thing that gives me that womanly figure. I'll be devastated if I lose my cup size. Another thing I am worried about is if I do get to lose 15lbs, none of my jeans will fit. I don't have the money to get new clothes (especially since I have not bought a single article of clothing since March of this year). I will just have to deal because if I can look better, then we will get me new clothes.
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