Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Pampers Village: Connect with real parents like you!

"This is great even if you don't have kids. You can get codes from www.hip2save.com and Frugal Girls on Facebook. Once you earn enough points, then you can get prizes. It would make for a free gift for other kids in your family."
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Monday, December 20, 2010

Perhaps it's time for some good

I was watching a marathon of Pit Bulls and Parolees today in bed. Before I knew it, the entire day had come and gone. I was literally that enchanted with the show and all I kept thinking about was how there were so many dogs and only so many people there. Even if the owner, Tia, had 20 people there, there are anywhere between 150-200 dogs there. I wonder how much human interaction these dogs get a day.  She is doing a great thing, but there just isn't enough of anything going around. Even if she had enough donations, there wouldn't be enough man power to help out.

That got me to thinking. There are plenty of animal shelters similar to Villalobos Pit Bull Rescue Center and they all have similar problems. There are way too many animals needing homes. I can't adopt animals right now but what I could do is volunteer. I'm sure it would be mostly cleaning kennels, feeding animals etc but it would still free up more time for the people who work there to do what they need with the animals to get them ready for adoption.

I'm not doing anything right now. I'm not working and I'm left alone in the house all day long. I might as well do something good with my free time assuming I can borrow the car while Daylan works. It would give me some adult interaction, I could tame my pet fever, it would give me something to do that would be beneficial and it would look good on a resume. Who knows, maybe I could donate stuff from time to time. Food, blankets, toys or things of that nature. Obviously I can't donate a lot, but I'm sure I could do a little here and there. Besides, I could maybe help these animals get loving homes by helping with my own marketing.

Who knows how long it will be till I get a job in Florida and I don't know how much I'll be working when I get there, but maybe I could find a shelter to volunteer with once a week or so. It would be good for my soul and who knows, maybe Gabriel would get a kick out of it. He likes to go to the pet store with me to look at animals. Some animals would need to be kid tested to make sure they can go to a family. Gabriel would probably think it is fun.

I don't know, it is just a thought I have been entertaining. I've been thinking about a lot of stuff. That would help and I've thought about possibly starting up the process to pump and donate breast milk (to hospitals or breast milk banks-who pay per ounce-) and donating eggs/plasma. I think that will be a long and expensive process but it is just another thought I've been entertaining.  I think volunteering at a shelter is easier and much less of a commitment.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

I don't need anger management; what I need is for people to stop trying to piss me off.

1.Gay Rights
People have forgotten that equal rights no longer applies to just African Americans or women. The term is more broadly used to incorporate the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans gender) community. There is still a lot of racism and discrimination involved. Whether or not people agree with it, people need to learn how to not be offensive.

I understand that people do not agree with me because of their political or religious backgrounds and beliefs but when they become aggressive, I become defensive. It never ends well. It usually involves a person being disgusting, ignorant, condescending, rude and hateful towards me because of what I believe. My sexuality has nothing to do with it. I have plenty of friends who I support. It doesn't surprise me people are still in tolerate nor does it surprise me that people are hateful, but it does surprise me at the levels that people will take to show their dominance. Having an opinion is one thing but attacking is a whole other subject. I am passionate about this and I do become defensive quickly but I don't mind someone saying "No, I don't agree" as long as they aren't being rude. People will become an asshole just for their own amusement. There are plenty of times that I might agree with someone when they bring up a different topic, but I don't agree with the manner in which they are delivering their message. The delivery is key when it comes to a debate but a debate quickly becomes a heated argument if one person become so aggressive that the words that come out of their mouth become vile. Don't be hateful. It won't get a good response from me.

I feel that every human being regardless of their sexual orientation should be able to do everything that their neighbor can do. That includes gay marriage, serving openly in the military, being able to adopt children, be a politician (or the president), be the CEO of a company, win the lottery, buy cereal or whatever they want to do to be happy and fulfilled in their own lives. It isn't fair or equal rights if only heterosexual individuals can do it. Who is to say that someone within the LGBT community will want to do anything that I listed (if not more) but it is only fair that they should have the same options as anyone else.

2. Legalizing marijuana
This seems to be a hot topic amongst some of my friends back in Florida. It's no secret that I use to smoke pot when I was 19 and 20 but I don't see the need to make it legal. Not every substance needs to be. A lot of people are saying that if it were legal, it could be taxed. While that could help the economy, I don't see a lot of good to come from it. Whether or not it is safe isn't an issue with me. I see anything that is mind-altering as bad, which includes alcohol. Where I stand is anything that has the possibility of taking my son away from me is not something I want to be around. I do have friends that still smoke pot, but that is their personal choice. It just won't be mine.

People will argue that alcohol and cigarettes are far more harmful to one's health. It may be true, but I have yet to see someone who is high not be stupid. They may be more relaxed and they may not be so active but marijuana does induce paranoia. Just because people don't die of DUI's with marijuana doesn't mean that people are safe to drive while they are high. It is still a DWI, not to mention a gateway drug. Not everyone is content with the high that they get from marijuana. Their tolerance may increase and rather than spend more money on a higher amount of that particular drug, they may just introduce themselves to a different drug to "chase the dragon". Whether it is or isn't true is not the issue to me.

I want to set a good example for my five year old son. My son knows I drink. He knows his father and grandparents drink as well. He is very aware of which drinks are adult drinks and he knows not to drink it but I don't want it around him all the time. That is a personal choice because I don't want him to grow up believing it is ok just because his mother drinks. Marijuana is the same. I don't want him to do it at all, but I especially don't want it exposed to him as a child. If my friends want to, then I would request that they don't do it and/or bring it around my son. That is my personal choice.

. Politics
I'm not pro Obama. I'm not pro McCain. I'm not pro Bush. I just don't like politics. I find that it is so black and white. I tend to be more gray. Regardless of what my political standing is or could be, I know that it may change. Some devout Democrats may actually like a Republic candidate and the other way around. It does happen and people want to believe that it doesn't. People are so willing to start fights over politics in general and they love to blame the president.

Look, I may not have liked Bush and I don't like how things are going with Obama, but who is to say that McCain could have done a better job? The president isn't the one who makes all the rules. There are senate members. There are legislative members. The president just seems to be the face of it all. While I admit I don't understand anything about politics, I understand that not everything wrong with the government and economy is solely Obama's fault.

On top of that, I think it is un-American for people to be talking about causing harm to him. He is a father and a husband despite his title. Also race has nothing to do with how his term in office is going. If you want to blame anything, blame his party but not his race. An Asian could have made the same mistake as an African American. Lord knows we have had nothing but white presidents and many of them didn't do a good job. Some of them made a mockery out of the presidency. I think it was time to let someone else try it out. Besides, you never know. A female president probably would have cleaned up things more than any man of any race could have.

Yes, I said it. (May be continued on a different night)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

A few major changes

I really should have wrote earlier. Within the past week and a half, I had given Daylan and ultimatum (move back to FL with me or you can be single in TX) but for right now, I will write about something else that happened.

About a week ago, Daylan's grandfather was talking about starting a Waffle House chain out here. The closest store is quite a few hours away in any direction. It would be yet another thing for his grandfather to have to keep him busy (even though he has retired for quite a number of years). I think the man just needs a real hobby. Anyway, the idea was a good idea but he never did it.

Instead, he bought a local restaurant that was for sale. That man spent an insane amount of money on a single restaurant. It wasn't that it wasn't doing well. It was just the owner came into some money from a relative dying and didn't want to be in the business. Yeah. So this person came into money....twice. I want to be her! Anyway, his grandfather wants Daylan because he is the only one who has had long term food experience, and management experience at that.

His plan here is to just move me back to FL, but he will get the money back soon anyways. He isn't sure if he is going to be the General Manager because he hasn't spoken to his grandfather yet. We don't know who is inside. However he is still going to ask for $2,500 a month with benefits. That would be $30,000 a year. From what I understand, it would be 6am-5pm Monday through Friday. They aren't open past five. Saturday is 6am-noon. He would have every Sunday off. That is 61 hours a week. He doesn't want to quit Sonic altogether, so he is going to ask to step down and be a crew leader. Even if he gets crew leader pay and works 20hrs a week, it would be an extra $8,000 a year. I'm not fond of him working that many hours, but I won't be there. It will keep him from spending money if he is always at work, with the exception of Sunday. He won't have to worry about groceries anymore LOL.

He still wants to pay for my cable/internet bill and to pay for my dvr so that I can record my programs and still have the internet to talk to him. Now it is just a matter of my finding a job and a place to live in FL.

I'm not fond of this idea. In fact, I am against this idea but it will be more money than he is making now. I would rather he move with me. It looks better. It sounds better and I have to be in FL. The thing is, none of this is set in stone yet. It really depends on what his grandfather will offer him. He isn't going to screw Daylan over, but it all depends on what they can agree to. If Daylan doesn't like it, then we just need to find him a good job in FL. The problem is, I don't think we will find a job that will pay what he wants to earn. ::sigh:: It's still all up in the air right now. We will see if the ultimatum will have to be null and void. We will see.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Throw me a bone here

As an extension to my grocery blog, I want to address coupons. The reason why I want to address this is because I haven't really seen any lately. It's cool, for those who HAVE money, to find "deals" on toys or clothes or things of that nature. With Christmas literally right around the corner, I can see how now is a good time to be posting stuff like that. It just sucks for me.

I live on www.hip2save.com and I frequent other coupon sites on Facebook, but the number of coupons I've seen literally went to six to ten a week to zero in weeks. Today is the first day that I am finally finding coupons again. The only issue is I don't have a working printer. I think it is just because I am running low on ink, Daylan thinks paper is jammed. If it is indeed an ink issue, I heard from a girlfriend (who introduced me to hip2save) that I can bring the ink cartridges to Walgreens and they will refill it for less than $20. I'd rather do that than to pay four times that amount. I still have the windows open for the coupons I need to print, just in case. If I have to, I'll email it to myself and then go to a library to print it.

Since the number of coupons available has been nonexistant, my coupons have been running low. It is part of the reason why my grocery bill has been higher lately (besides the fact that I've been buying whole foods lately) I'm not even sure if whole foods is the correct term but I've been working on buying foods that are as natural as possible. Foods that go bad. Foods that mold. Foods that are just as they are when they leave the ground or are picked from the plant. The issue with coupons, as I mentioned earlier, is that it is usually for processed foods. Of course it will be cheaper to use those coupons, but the caloric intake and fat intake is much higher. The coupons I do try to use the most are: yogurts, cereals, toilet papers (which are hard to find), toiletries and juice. I try not to use processed foods like the mashed potatoes and items like that, but I have yet to make my own so....sometimes I cheat.

I am starting to run out of stuff. I only have one bottle of conditioner ready and there are just some items you should always have stocked because you use it a lot. It is nice that I am seeing a lot of coupons again. These people need to get back into it and get their ass into gear. I need more coupons. Of course I keep asking Daylan to grab the newspaper, or simply steal the coupons from his grandparents, but he never seems to do so. Our grocery bill would be so much smaller if he were to just do as I ask. However, what I really want right now is a coupon book.


This is pretty much the one I want. Of course I want a different design, but this has everything that I need. The deluxe version certainly is temping, but I only need the basic organizer. I'm not a pro yet. It pretty much is a wallet and a coupon organizer with a mini calculator and a mini shopping list. Yes, it is all about convenience, but I wouldn't imagine that a basic organizer is going to be a huge thing. It shouldn't take up a lot of room in my already large purse. I can always just keep my mini spiral notebook and just add a small calculator. If I do that, it will just drive Daylan crazy since he says we spent too much time in grocery stores as is. This is the site that I want to gt my organizer from. http://sophisticatedshoppers.com/

With all this said, I will make my mental plea to both the internet world and the manufacturing world to produce more coupons! They made my grocery experience so much more enjoyable. Grocery shopping already is a great experience for me, but sometimes that bill at the end is a bit much. I mean I am just shopping for two people at the moment. My grocery bill should not be as expensive as it is, and I shop with coupons. Of course, going to multiple stores would help but Daylan will never consider that. I'll be doing it in March. Shhhh. 

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Should I plug his nose?

Right when I am thinking that I could go to sleep (even though I've only been awake for ten hours), I came to the sudden realization that it may not be an option.



You know, it's a good thing I keep the laptop by my bed and we have a tv in our bedroom. Daylan's snoring would definitely keep me awake. What's weird is he rarely snores, and he never snores this loudly. He hasn't been complaining about not feeling good. I swear, this reminds me of my dad.

I hated having to sleep in a hotel with my parents. It was one thing having my bedroom on the other side of the house. I could hear him snore even then, but being in the same room was horrendous. I might as well just stay up all night. It never surprised me when Mom created her own bedroom in the spare room. She would have gone insane otherwise.

I am definitely thinking that I will sleep in the living room tonight. I have a feeling that if I nudge him on the side that he will continue to snore. However if I do, he may roll over on his side and I would be free of this nightmare and can sleep in my own bed. I seriously made a recording on my phone. It's loud enough to give me a headache. It's a good thing he is just snoring from his nose. The walls would shake if he were to snore from his mouth like my dad did.

The sad thing is I thought I had a victory just now. I made the sure the light on my laptop got in his eyes. His eyes popped open immediately and I made him roll over. I figured I could listen to the peaceful sounds of Blue Planet while I went to sleep, but it just doesn't seem to be an option tonight. I am beginning to feel like my mom as I take an aspirin, a pillow and blanket to the couch.

I really should invest in ear plugs....

Friday, December 10, 2010

Creepy McCreeperton



Obviously there is someone out there who shouldn't have my phone number. I try to be careful of who gets it and I don't readily hand it over to everyone. I certainly don't have it displayed on Facebook and if I do give it to someone, it is via message because I didn't want what happened last night to happen at all.

It could have been anyone. I have a few people on my mind that could have done it and it has to have been a female. The voice was a higher pitch. Still, someone who shouldn't have my number has it and has become stupid enough to do some garbage like that.

Around midnight, I got a phone call. The only person who calls me that late is Daylan, but this number said "Restricted". I've had "Unknown" numbers call. Those are usually blocked numbers ( the *67 stuff) or telemarketers. I've never had a "Restricted" number call. I should have answered it, but I screen every phone call, and with good reason. Not everyone who calls leaves a message, but this person did. It was a female. The first impression I got was that she was drunk, but not even drunk people slur that badly. She knew who she was calling because she said my name. At the end of the message, the voice got distorted and a demonic voice was talking. I got freaked out.

I had to listen to it again to make sense of what was said, but it was hard to understand it. I got half of it. All the parts with the periods are the sections I just couldn't desipher. "Hi Cassandra, um I was calling to say 'hhhhhiiiiiiii" hahahahaha. I was wondering if you you were ..........hahahaha....if you want I could call you.......hahahah".Yeah, this person does not need to contact me again.

I sent some emails out to people to see if anyone knew anything. I wanted to know if there was something to distort voices like that and then I started to ask later on if there was a way to see WHO in the hell called and left that voice message anyway! I want to change my phone number because I can block the one number, but this person can always call from a different number. I don't play that game. I get very serious about stuff like this.

How childish can this person be? Prank calling someone is stuff that high school kids do. "Is your refrigerator running? Well go chase after it!" This was meant to be freaky and it was a pretty long message. Daylan just thinks that I can block the number but if someone I stopped speaking to a long time ago has my number stored in their phone, all they have to do is contact me from a separate number and it is the same mess all over again. I'm sure he thinks I am over reacting, but I don't play.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Bridalplasty

This is going to be my new guilty pleasure. I have it set to where every new episode is going to be recorded automatically.  Daylan is going to be rolling his eyes a lot but I'm sure he will get into it. He did the same thing with You're Cut Off!. At least Bridalplasty is something you can relate to. The premise behind this show is there are 12 women all competing to be the last one so they can win the perfect wedding and a head-to-toe plastic surgery gig. Some of the women really need it, but most don't They only need one thing done and they have this long laundry list of items.

Frankly, if I were in their position I would have a lot of stuff done too. Hell, it's free! It makes me feel ashamed that I actually have a list but oh well. It is what it is and I know I won't be able to get it done. It is nice to dream.

Because I had a baby, I would get a breast lift and a tummy tuck. My cup size changed so much that my breasts just are not the way they should be. I went from a c cup to an e cup. My stomach stretched out so far that it was unbelievable. People thought I was carrying twins and I really don't blame them. I started showing really early so I thought I was having twins. Thank goodness I wasn't but I knew I would have a big baby. I still have so much excess skin around my stomach and I still look pregnant five years later.  I want to look almost the way I did before I was pregnant. I want to feel good when I am naked.

I would get a rhioplasty. I am not happy with my nose but I am able to get past it. It just looks like my nose was broken because it is crooked. My mother has the same issue. My nose just doesn't match my face and it is too long. If it were shortened a little, then I'd be happier.

I would want my eyelids done. I do makeup as a hobby and I have heavy eyelids. You can't see what I do and that has led me to do more theatrical work so that I don't have to get frustrated when you can't see what I've done. I think it would help open my eyes up and I would look younger.

I'd have liposuction done on my thighs. I never had issues with my thighs until the middle of this year. Now I don't like my thighs. I know it is a problem area for a lot of women but I never had that issue. Since moving to Texas, I literally stopped walking. Between the heat and the crazy drivers (they speed all the time and there are a lot of hills and sharp turns around my house), I just don't want to risk it. Once I get back into walking, I'm sure my thighs will decrease in diameter.

I'd get a butt implant. I'm like an inverted triangle. I am all bust with a wide waist and no hips/butt. I can't have the waist or the hips, but at least I'd like to fill out my jeans better. I'm sure I'd have a smaller waist and a more hour glass figure if I had a tummy tuck, but having a butt would be great. I could look more like a woman.

I'd get calf implants. I already have chicken legs. Calf implants would at least balance my legs out, or at least they would in theory.

If it were at all possible, I would have three inches taken off my height, but I doubt that could ever happen. It sure is nice to dream.

God, I can't even imagine how I would look if I were able to have all this done. I know I'd be miserable while I am healing and I'm sure it wouldn't all be done at once. I better have some excellent pain medicine but gosh, can you imagine how awesome I would look in a wedding dress?

Why can't we just win the lottery? LOL!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Of all problems, I never imagined this would be one

So here is a quick update on my tongue. Yeah. Who would have thought I would even think about writing about that?

Around 1am, I was wanting to go to sleep so I took some Goody's powder in hopes it would alleviate the pain long enough to let me sleep. Around 4 am, I woke up with my mouth being in pain. I practically tore my room apart searching for the original tongue ring that I had because I knew the box it was in. At first I thought I found it and I was breathing a sigh of relief, but it wasn't it. I finally realized that I had to take out my tongue ring.

What really sucks is that when I did, I saw that there were two bumps on both sides of the piercing itself. I touched it and realized it was really tender. I lifted my tongue to look underneath and saw that it was really red. I folded my tongue in half to see what was up and noticed a bead of puss forming out of the piercing itself. Yeah. I was not a happy camper.

I'm not sure if my tongue has healed up or if my tongue is so swollen that I can't get my tongue ring back in, but either way the situation sucks. I'm just continuing to swish salt water in my mouth and then follow it up with Listerine. The only upside is that Daylan bought some Aleve for me (the Albertson's pharmacist said it should work twice as long as ibuprofen and still control swelling) and Daylan's dad is going to grab some broad spectrum antibiotics from Grandpa Sir. The Aleve isn't taking away the swelling, but it is controlling the pain a little. It's at least not a nuisance as it was earlier.

Daylan asked me how much it would cost to get my tongue done again, and it is approximately $50, but he is going to see if he can get me a longer barbell on Thursday assuming the hole is still open by then. I doubt it will be, but it is worth a try. If I can get the swelling down, I can try again to see if I can get the barbell in. Right now just isn't a good time to try. I just want my tongue to stop forming puss.

It's clearly an infection, but I am hoping Daylan can pick up the antibiotics tonight. Maybe it will clear up whatever is wrong with my left tonsil. I have a sore throat on one side. I'd rather have my week long headache than this garbage.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

What a thing to wake up to

I'm not quite sure why I slept in till almost noon, but I woke up with this horrible pain in my mouth. At first, it felt like I had a few blisters on my tongue. Once I started to become more aware, I went into the bathroom to see if I could spot anything. It only looked like two inflamed taste buds and I tried to push my tongue to the side to see if I find a blister. It was then that I noticed that my entire tongue was swollen.

I mean swollen. The sides and the tip looked like it was stuffed with water. Normally I play with my tongue ring and can push it up. There is normally a gap between my tongue and the ball. There wasn't even a gap. In fact, there were indentions on both the top and bottom of my tongue. That is not a good sign. I took some Goody's powder and an allergy pill to see if maybe that would help. The only thing it did was make me feel high and make me feel drowsy. Even though I slept ten hours, I was asleep on the couch within two hours and slept for about an a hour and a half. Yeah, I am going to be up all night. When I woke up, my tongue was still swollen, but only around the hole where my tongue ring is.

About an hour ago, I made some really strong water with epson salt and swished it in my mouth while I had the tongue ring in a mixture of epson salt and bleach water in a small pot. Yeah I boiled the hell out of it. Of course I washed it in soap and water before I put it back in. I still have some water to swish in my mouth a few more times. I'm not sure what else to do. I will just have to keep taking Goody's and allergy pills in hopes it will do something. I don't have basic aspirin or ibuprofen. Daylan doesn't feel like going to the store after work. Maybe tomorrow.

I know I still own my original tongue ring, I just can't find it. It is much longer and could be so convenient. The only time my tongue was this way was when I got my tongue pierced (the first time). It's just annoying. When I first woke up, I would barely speak correctly. I can now, but my tongue hurts. We will see if this goes away by tomorrow morning. I'm sure it isn't an allergic reaction because I had two brands of hot chocolate around 9pm last night. It wouldn't take 14hrs for my tongue to react, and why just my tongue? Shouldn't something have happened an hour or two after I drank it?

Either way, hopefully this will correct itself by tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Once again I am experiencing insomnia. It is 1:30 in the morning and I am hoping that my first yawn of the evening will give way to some sleep. I really hate being awake in the middle of the night. It isn't that I can't sleep, it's just that my sleep schedule is so strange lately. My body can't decide if it is tired or not. There are days that I am on the couch and realize that two hours disappeared and then there are days when I am tired at 11pm.

It is a shame that we can't just turn our minds and bodies off like a light switch. We flip them and our body gives us ten minutes till it shuts down. It is enough time to use the restroom, change, brush your teeth and hit the hay. In fact, that would work splendidly with children as well. Goodness, bedtimes would be so much easier in every house hold. Too bad I can't create that and patent it.

Maybe we should just have everyone watch poker every night before bed. It usually bores me to tears in the middle of the night, which is strange because I can watch it with Daylan around 10pm. I guess it is just more entertaining if Daylan is awake with me. It is never as fun watching it on tv (when you would rather play it with friends) and it is worse when you are watching it alone.

I just don't think it will work. Why? I'm too busy thinking "Too bad I'm not good at playing poker, or I'd be making money with it."

Minor grocery store issues.

Today was the first time I went to the grocery store and was not happy with the purchases. We got a few great things at decent prices, but it didn't seem like everything added up. On top of that, I just didn't have enough good coupons so I left rather disappointed. I only saved a little over $6.00 which just seems pointless to me. I do understand that usually I get huge amounts on the "You saved" section because of the meat specials at Albertson's but this week was so weak.

A lot of the coupons out there are for processed foods or canned foods. That isn't exactly the healthiest way to go. What needs to happen is that it should be cheaper for healthy food. Isn't it weird that we can get burgers for $.99 and it still costs $6.99 for a small salad that won't even begin to fill your stomach? A milkshake is $.99 while juice is $2.99-$3.99. Hamburger Helper is 10 for $10 and it is filled with fat, sodium, cholesterol and calories. It is nothing but powder flavoring. Most deals, BOGO specials or coupons are for disgusting foods. I worked in a grocery store and it baffled me what would come off the carts and on my conveyor belt. I'm ashamed to say that I did it for a while as well. It was so much cheaper that way.

Now I am working on getting healthier foods and so far we are doing well. Daylan has grown accustomed to grabbing vegetables when we shop and he doesn't even look at the canned stuff. We still have some as a back up, but I've only had to use it once in a month. It was because I didn't have any peas for my beef stew. It just isn't as nice on the wallet. Why can't it just be cheaper to get healthy food?

America is allegedly the most obese country in the world and that really is not hard to believe. If you are a young and single person or a large family who is pretty much on poverty, it is easier to grab a burger than to eat fruits and vegetables. The temptation is there. We understand it very well but I always get on Daylan about us not eating fast food all the time. The only problem is if we really cut down on the price of fruits, vegetables, milks/cheeses and meat, then it will screw over the wrong people. The farmers aren't who we need to get angry at. I just think that junk food should cost more. A pack of Nabisco cookies should cost more than a salad.

I wish I could write the president a letter and know he would actually read it. In that letter I would propose that he not be so damn demanding about forcing health care upon people. If he just decreased the cost of healthy food and increased the cost of junk food, then people would eat better. If they ate better than they wouldn't be so sick nor so obese. Of course there are idiots out there, but the smart and sane people would follow through with it. If we raised more kids to eat healthy, then they would pass on those habits to their families. I just know that this isn't going to happen.

In the meantime, I will work on more coupons and hope that I am able to catch some really good deals. It's just a shame that more fruits and vegetables aren't on sale. I really should research when certain stuff is in season. Maybe one day I will perfect all of this.

Freganism, to a limit, is sounded better every day.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Daydream

This thought pops in my head all the time. Over and over again. It isn't a bad thing. Call it vanity. Call it immaturity. Call it whatever you want, but the closest thing I can call it is a wish. I want to be able to take Daylan by the hand, with a grin, and say "Let's make them jealous." Why? Everyone. Everyone that has ever doubted us. Everyone that ever wished us unhappiness. Everyone that said they will never make it and will never amount to anything. Just everyone.

I want that perfect, story-book romance that makes everyone say "Ooooh" and "awww!". I want to be that couple body, mind and soul that makes everyone wish that they could be us. Not be us as in take one of us for their partner, but be us. I want to be Romeo and Juliet but without all the death. I want to be Rose and Jack (Titanic) without the catastrophe. Allie and Noah (The Notebook) without the memory loss. I want that Cinderella story where everything ends happily ever after.

It isn't true that true, unconditional and ever engulfing love ends in tragedy. How could it be true? If it were, then no one would get married. No one would even try. We would truly be the culture of casual sex. Well, more so than we are now. What we are now are the stupid generation that can't keep a marriage going. We would rather fight and separate than to fight to stay together. I fell into that statistic but I am learning. I went through my momentary bout where I didn't know anything but sadness and loneliness and I wanted to give up. But maturity and love don't allow people to just walk away unless they didn't have a reason to stay and fight.I want to have those moments in time where you are in a sunset and you kiss. You have a candlelit dinner and make love by the fire on the plush carpet. I want to be the couple that takes hot baths together or stares at the stars at night. Shoot, I want to be that perfect couple that does this and so much more to the point where others wish they could be us.

I want us to be at the peak of health and vitality. Hardened bodies and sweet souls. I want us to just look at each other and want it so badly :). I want us to have careers that give us everything we need and much more. Daylan and I could travel and have amazing pictures to go along with the stories of the things we did. I want us to have a beautiful family with more kids and pets. He would go crazy at the sound of pets but I swear we will have pets. Daylan and I will have a beautiful home that we could host dinner parties in. We would want to spend every waking moment with each other, even though we love having time with the friends we love. We would have amazing hobbies and things that we collect. We could go dancing, make a painting here or there, do pottery together, play games together and all those scenarios that play in my head.

Our friends will see us together and wish they could have what we have. Family will feel happy that we each found what we were looking for and all those people who doubted us will shove it. They will realize that all that bad and negative energy that pushed our way has entered their lives instead. 

We will be married soon. I don't know when but we will. Our engagement won't last forever ;). He will be a father soon. Of course I still want to wait a few more years to have my IUD taken out. Daylan and I will have a gorgeous wedding. Everything I want will happen. We will be who we want to be and in my head, that phrase will keep replaying over and over again. "Let's make them jealous" And a grin will come over my face with his hand in mine as I will say to myself, "Don't worry..."

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Maybe things will go according to plan!

There are lots of things I want in life, but one of the "items" at the top of my list is getting a job in Florida. The key to getting what you want, besides working for it, is to stay positive. Positive affirmations definitely keep you from doubting yourself and that is something that I have to work on. I only do it part time. It is impossible to only think positive things, but I need to go into myself and increase the percentage on positive thoughts.

I deserve a good job in Florida.

I will get a good job in Florida.

I deserve nothing less but a good job in Florida.


I keep going on to Craigslist to put in resumes. I usually don't get much more than the "Thank you for emailing your resume. It will be looked over by management so look forward to a phone call!". I know it is an automatic email sent out to whoever sends in a resume. I'm sure I could send a joke or a riddle and I would get that email in return. I'm sure those companies go through a lot of emails and read a lot of resumes, so I don't blame them for doing it. I just find it to be rather amusing that most of these emails go the same way.  It just sucks when I think that I got an actual response about my resume. LOL!



Anyways, this is the game plan that I am hoping I can get. Of course I will be happy with a job, in general, but if I had everything my way then this is pretty much how it will go. I will get to have a normal day job 8-5 or 7-4. I would get at least $9.25 an hour. I would have Tuesdays and Thursdays off. The week day would be for whatever appointments I need. Doctor's appointments for Gabriel, or myself, car appointments etc. I would get  40 hours a week so before taxes, I would make $1480. Daylan would be living with me and working dayshifts as well. Gabriel would be with us at night and we work while he is in school. While Gabriel is at his Dad's for the weekends, I would work at a grocery store Friday and Saturday nights. I could use the extra money for savings and I would know when the good deals are going on in the store. Good deals plus coupons? Oh yeah. If he wanted to get a second job the same weekends, great. It's money we could use to save for the wedding. We have so much to save up for :). A house, a wedding, new vehicles, a honeymoon (whenever that will be ), college, a washer/dryer etc.
 

Yes, we would be busy but if we had the same days off (at least one of them) and still had the weekday nights off together, we would be better than ok. We could definitely afford something nice, but not over-priced. I could have a place with a dishwasher, washer/dryer hook-ups, a door with a peep-hole, screens over the windows, central heating/air conditioning and enough space in the kitchen to store food. Oh the simple things! I say this because I don't have ANY of that now. Yeah, this lake house is old and was not meant to literally be lived in.

They say money doesn't buy happiness, but it will at least pay the bills, keep you clothed, keep you fed, get you to your job and let you have a little fun. Like I said, there are a lot of things I want in life and I need money for almost all of it. Money may not be the main thing, but it sure funds the things I want in life. Whoever said that money doesn't buy happiness pretty much is a liar.

Yeah. A liar.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Here is the plan I proposed

On our way home from grocery shopping, Daylan brought up what was mentioned today at the manager's meeting. The boss' wife was complaining about how rude Daylan is (which I find to be interesting since it is brought up on the one meeting that Daylan wasn't able to attend). I really don't know what goes on in that store because I don't work there but he is constantly coming home complaining about how much the boss' wife pisses him off. When the boss is there, she follows the rules and works but he instant he leaves to go home, it seems as though the rules no longer apply to her and there wouldn't be any consequences for her actions. It would irritate me. Call me biased, but I believe him (and a friend of his who is also a manager) over her. I have no doubt in my mind that she is rude and yells at the crew and I have no doubt that she likes to take her frustrations out and yell at Daylan from time to time.

He mentioned that next Tuesday he may start looking for another job. He actually said that and so the thought occurred to me that he should start sending resumes in Fl and see if he can just move with me.

This option is so much better than the option of my moving to FL alone. I can see so many hurdles to jump over the first few months of being there alone. If he were to move with me, I wouldn't be limited to one city to live in for rides to work. Of course rent is cheaper in Val-P, but we could live in Niceville or Fort Walton Beach as well. I also wouldn't be so limited as to where to work even though pay tends to be higher in Destin. It would just be cheaper for us to move back together than to move me out there, fly  back to TX, fly myself and Gabriel out for the week after Christmas, fly us back, have him come to his step-dad's retirement party, come back and then still fly to FL to pack me up and move me back to TX. Why not just move with me and save all that money? If he were to send resumes in FL, surely he would have a higher chance of being hired somewhere than me and if he gets something quick, then he could just pack up with me.

There are just so many opportunities. He could leave the drama his father and step-mother provide and just be with his mom and sister. He loves them and misses them dearly. He would also be around his nephews as they grow up. The added bonus is that two of his four best friends live within twenty minutes of where (hopefully) we would be moving to. Let's not forget how much cheaper it will be to just split everything down the middle rather than my pay for everything living on my own again. Oh and no more long distance relationships! A year was enough and I got fed up with it.

I told him "You never know. You may get a job that pays the same, if not more, and will give you the bonuses that they have been promising you and you would get two days off a week." If he wanted to do a part-time night shift being a bouncer, for example, he would be able to do it because his schedule would allow it. Who knows, he may not have to drive as far. I'm really working on wishful thinking here LOL.

Besides, there is more stuff to do in the smaller town I moved from than this area. There are more malls, more theaters, the beach, some touristy stuff and our friends are there. I could also hit up EC with some friends from time to time and he could have a boys night playing video games. I know I always complained about being bored when I lived there, but goodness there is even less here! I would miss Hastings (a lot) but really that is all we have/do here.

I am just hoping Daylan will see some logic in this and will start putting resumes out in FL. I mean what is the worst that can happen? No one responds and he just finds a job here instead? It would suck, and be more expensive for both of us, but I really want him to consider it. He doesn't want me to move away, and he has said this to a few people here, so why not remedy the situation and just move with me me. It isn't like he hangs out with anyone (ever) or that he sees his family anymore (because of the drama his father started with the rumors about me). I don't see what the big deal is other than the fact that it will be a hassle to pack and move. He is already going to be driving the rental truck to FL and using his vacation pay anyways. He might as well use it to pack and then have his quit date be after that.

Of course....it would be helpful if his friends and family tried to talk him into it ;)

Monday, November 8, 2010

This is mine and I dare you to create your own.

So many people seem to always put together bucket lists or wish lists. I guess it makes sense for the wish list since Christmas is next month. People get so caught up on making that list hoping that people will get the hint and buy them those things. It is a nice concept, but it leads to disappointment. I won't lie, I'll make my "list" known for some people but I am not expecting people to get me anything this year (except for Daylan).

What I have been wanting to do for a while was create a vision board. A vision board can be something like a poster board, a push-pin board or anything of that nature where you tape/pin/glue pictures of what you want in your life to this board. The theory behind this is that if you see a picture of what you want ( ex. an engagement ring, a BMW, a particular job, etc) then you think about it all the time. If you think about it in a positive manner and believe that you can have it, then you will begin to get it. It uses the law of attraction. If you want to meet a friend who can be your partner in crime (without the actual crime), then you think about this person. You say you are worthy of this person. You imagine the things that you and this new best friend could do with you. You envision great conversations, road trips and everything that you like. By thinking positive things, then you are acting as a magnet and attracting what you want towards you. Of course you have to actually work towards it, but the vision board is suppose to be a guide.

It sounds really "new age" and whatnot but it really isn't. I read this book called The Secret by Rhonda Brynes, which is in the "new age" section, but it isn't all about that. It is a self-help book. There is some aspects of religion and karma but it isn't overpowering, which was so refreshing for me. I read that book cover to cover within a couple of days.

Anyways, here are examples of what will be on my vision board. Of course I can't post everything because this blog will be far too long, but I think that this is a good idea for everyone.

I want that storybook wedding. My first marriage was done in a court house and it was so restricted. Only give people were allowed to come. Tom got to have his parents and his brother and I had my parents. My best friend (who was supposed to be my maid of honor) couldn't come. I felt heartbroken. We always said we would go and have a ceremony afterward but it never happened. I don't think having a glass carriage is my thing, but I do want a beautiful wedding.

I want my own house that I bought. Having a husband help sure would be helpful but I do want a house that won't be taken away if something happens. I know I don't want a two story house (because I don't want to burden anyone with taking furniture up stairs). Having a circular driveway would be convenient because I don't want to constantly have to move cars. Also I want a mini driveway on the side of the garage just in case. I do want a three car garage. This house isn't my ideal house but it is pretty close. I am still working on how I want the house to look on the inside, but you get the idea.





I want another cat. The breed isn't a big deal to me, but I do tend to like calicoes. However this one kitten is melting my heart just by looking at it. I can already tell I will have issues with lots of fur but it could be completely worth it. If I had a boy, I would name him Starscream. I haven't decided with a girl. :) I have a cat, but I told Daylan that I will get another when I am in Florida.




I want to travel! The places on that suitcase would be neat, but I want more out of the norm places. I want Kenya, Easter Island, Ireland, Australia, Poland, Greece etc. I think traveling makes people more well-rounded. Not only is a vacation, but you get to see how other people live. It teaches you culture. It helps you to appreciate what you have and gives you insight on what you want. I think everyone should be able to have the opportunity to travel.


This is the wedding band that I want. Nothing more, nothing less. I found it at Gordon's but things happened and we had to postpone the purchase. I believe this was a 4mm ring and it has six diamonds bezelled into the band. I believe it was a total weight of 3/4 carats. It's been months since I got the exact details.

Anyways, this is just a taste. You don't have to sit and explain exactly why you want what you want, but this gives you an idea as to what to do. It isn't a materialistic wish list because there are some things that people aren't going to be able to find pictures for (which you can just draw the words in). The vision board is to be placed where it will be seen everyday and acknowledged. The owner of the vision board has to say what they want with confidence and with positive affirmations. "I want this. I will have this. I deserve this and I deserve nothing less." If you want that car, imagine yourself sitting in the car and do the motions. Grab the imaginary steering wheel. If you want the dress, then try it on and strut. Get the image of what the dress looked like on you in your head till the opportunity arises (you  never know when you will get a holiday bonus at work). Imagine a boss calling you to say you go the job that you have always wanted. "I want it. I will have it. I deserve it."

I believe everyone deserves what they want and what harm will it cause? You will at least have fun with it.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I wish I could drop the weight

Back when I was 20, I had a normal body for a girl that age. I still had a wide waist but at least I had a flat stomach. I have the average body of a mother my age, but it still drives me crazy that I can not get rid of this stomach. Whatever happened to it going away after Gabriel was born? Oh that's right, my abdominal muscles are stretched.

I've certainly been doing better about eating healthier. I know that I should do portion controlling when I cook and that I shouldn't eat past a certain time but I don't see that being a huge factor. I stopped cooking with the nasty Hamburger Helper garbage months ago and started cooking my own main dishes. Daylan is finally on board with buying fresh vegetables for our sides. Of course our money is going faster since meat and produce can't ever have coupons. My coupons haven't been used as often because I am trying to stay away from processed foods. There is so much unnecessary stuff in that kind of things. I do try to substitute milk for water in cooking/baking and adding more cheese to stuff but it hasn't been helping too much. It also doesn't help that I am constantly hungry. We are trying to not buy everything in the store because groceries tend to be $70 a week (now that I am trying to buy fresh stuff) and we don't have room to be storing stuff.

I really should get back into walking. I stopped a month ago because of my ankle. When I thought it was getting better, it really wasn't. However the pain hasn't been an issue for the past two weeks. The ankle brace has been off and the weather is so much more suitable for being outside. I just don't have the motivation. I was doing a lot of walking back in September because I was going through a lot of emotional stuff. I really distanced myself from Daylan and he wasn't listening to what I said I needed. I did a lot of talking on the phone. Since I pace when I talk, I just decided to be on the phone and do laps on the road that loops past the house. Now things have calmed down and things are back to normal so I don't have as much of a need to be on the phone.

I wish I could get Daylan to be more interactive with me when it comes to this. It would be great if I had the support but he always complains about walking. He could stand to lose 10-20lbs too. He is starting to look too  much like his dad and his midsection is not leaving a lot to be desired. When he comes home, he wants to play video games. He promised me that he would not play from 11am-10pm but that promise lasted three days before he was back to his old habits. It would be great if I had the support of Daylan when it came to at least being more physically active and simply walk with me. If he could do that (and not talk about Sonic or video games), then this could be a great thing for us.

I'm ready to have a flatter stomach. I'm ready to not worry about t-shirts clinging too tightly around my stomach or looking too wide in dresses. I'm ready for my jeans to fit again and for my thighs to decrease in diameter. My main concern is my waist. I'm also ready to be able to wear something sexy that fits. If I get a corset or anything of that nature to fit my bust then it is too big in the waist. If I get something to fit the waist, then it is too small in the bust. You would think that this wouldn't be a problem. Yes my stomach protrudes and I look like I am 17 weeks pregnant. Gabriel's aunt is that far along and she is as big as I am. I am tired of looking pregnant because my abdominal muscles are stretched. I don't want to have a tummy tuck be my only option. I also have that wide waist that makes me look like a boy from the front (if you can get past the breasts). My narrow hips don't help so I clearly don't have that hour glass shape. From the bust to the waist to the hips is literally a straight line.

If I had base access, I could go to the gym for free but gym memberships are expensive. Oh why must they be expensive? Granted I know the answer but it doesn't help my cause. I have been wanting to get either the P90X or the Insanity work-out dvds but there is no way I am spending $120 plus shipping and handling for it. I had the opportunity of getting the P90X for $35 here and Daylan promised me he would buy it for me as a "welcome home" gift but he never did. So far, no one is selling either on Craigslist and I don't have the money to go and buy it. It would be nice if I had the support of him doing it with me, but we would have to reorganize the house so we could do it together. I know I'll fail if I try to do it on my own.

Something needs to be done. Trying to eat healthy isn't helping. I want to drop 10-15lbs. I want to be careful just how I lose it because, to be honest, I am vain and I don't want to lose my breasts. Because I have a wide waist, narrow hips and a small butt, it is the only thing that gives me that womanly figure.  I'll be devastated if I lose my cup size. Another thing I am worried about is if I do get to lose 15lbs, none of my jeans will fit. I don't have the money to get new clothes (especially since I have not bought a single article of clothing since March of this year). I will just have to deal because if I can look better, then we will get me new clothes.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

A little light reading,,,that lasted well over 5hrs!

It is only natural that shortly before Halloween I would come across a name to look up. Naturally I am fascinated with serial killers. I am into the lives of ancient royalty (since we all know that clearly they were messed up individuals). I find biographies to be like a drug. You get to find out someone's inner most secrets. You want more and more of it till you can get your fill. This name is no different. I've spent all night reading numerous websites till I wasn't able to really find a whole lot of new information. I have literally spent the entire night, well into the early hours of the morning, researching and writing this topic. I'm sure I'll have nightmares when I do go to sleep.

****In case you want the short version of this story, go here and watch this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CNTV8yoNRQ

So let me begin.


The Countess Elizabeth Bathory was born August 7th 1560 in the modern day Slovadkia. She was born of noble blood. Her name was well known through out the area. She grew up to be a highly educated young woman when most rulers were either illiterate (since it was usually the Monks who knew how to read and write) or could only speak one language. She managed to learn how to speak four languages which included her native language (which I would assume was a version of Hungarian), Latin, German and Greek. She was also interested in science and astronomy.

Although she was highly educated, she went through a lot of fits and violent outrages. At the age or four or five, she had epileptic seizures, which neurological disorders and psychotic behavior later in life. It is suspected, now, that she was bipolar. She was raised by her governess and because of that, she was never disciplined. She grew up to believe that she could do whatever she wanted and there would be no moral consequence to her actions. When she was 14, she became pregnant by a peasant. I never found out what happened to that pregnancy, or if this event was merely a rumor, but her parents married her off when she was 15 to disguise a conspiracy although some sites state she was married at an earlier age. Since most of the sites state she was married at 15, I will use the "majority rules" statement and use that age.

Elizabeth married Ferenc Nadasdy on May 8th, 1575 shortly before her 15th birthday. He was 26. (In other texts, it says that they were engaged when she was 11 and he was 16. It is hard to tell which text is correct.) Rather than take on his name, he allowed her to keep her name, something he took on himself because her name was of such nobility. He was a sadistic man, as some soldiers were during those times. Wars in the 16th century were very violent affairs and she picked up on his mannerisms. He was very harsh on the servants and even on to Elizabeth. She was introduced to a lot of his ways of punishment.  Ferenc was said to be one of the cruelest men of his time. He was described as being a savage man. He was often away on war or business for the first ten years of the marriage and she bore no children until he returned.

Her life there was supposed to be very boring. Being a bored teenage girl, she found things to peek her interest. Having grown up as a vindictive girl, she began to gather resources to feed her curiosity for the sinister arts.

It is rumored that Elizabeth dabbled in the occult and studied many forms of torture while her husband was away as well as when he had returned. Perhaps that was influenced by Aunt Klara who clearly was a bad influence. Her aunt was supposed to be bisexual and always had an abundance of women around for Elizabeth to toy around with at a young age. Since she often visited her aunt, I suppose her lesbianism occurred often. Rumors spread that she eloped with a dark stranger, said to be the devil himself, and disappeared for a short time. Her husband forgave her for her disappearance however she couldn't stand her mother-in-law. Although her mother-in-law is rarely mentioned, it is clear that she had a hatred for her.

While her husband was away, it was her job to provide health care. At first she was very much into women's rights. It was her duty to take in peasants and serfs as well as destitute women who were beaten and raped by Ottoman soldiers. She was also in charge of running the estate and about 17 villages. Those were immense responsibilities for a girl her age.  Eventually she stopped doing this and became in charge of disciplining the servants in ways that would be considered sadistic today. Because of her hatred for her mother-in-law, she rebelled by torturing her servants. It wasn't until ten years after the marriage that The Countess was able to have children. She had six, although two died early on. Even though she was cruel to people of lower class, she was a good and devoted mother, which wasn't unusual at that time since royalty treated immediate family, especially their own blood line, with the the utmost care.

It was around her 40th birthday (some sites say 43rd birthday) when things began to go south. Her husband died in battle and she was a widow. Elizabeth's mother-in-law was sent away and she no longer had anyone to report to. Her behavior began to change even more drastically. She was always known throughout her life for being one of the most beautiful women in the land and she was said to be extremely vain. She would change clothing six times a day and would spend hours a day looking at her reflection. She really didn't even care for her husband so she was planning on his replacement before he died. There wasn't any remorse when he did die of stab wounds in 1602. When she realized that she needed a new husband, she began to panic. It was then that she realized that her youth was escaping her. That was the time that she upped her antics and her behavior truly become deplorable and atrocious. Her dabbling in the occult increased.

Some of what I read said that what happened next lasted over twenty years but most of what I read says that it started in 1602 and didn't end until she was caught in 1610. What is known is that she was always cruel to her help. She always had young servant girls around her to remind her of youth and beauty. Whenever she would sit and think about her fading beauty, she would go into a rage and torture her young servants more than than she usually did. Elizabeth even went so far as to sew a girl's mouth shut because she spoke too much. Of course she wrote to her husband, while he was still alive, and complained about severe head and eye pain, which now could be interpreted as a migraine. Perhaps she sewn the girl's mouth shut because of her migraine pain (as if she didn't have enough problems).

Before her husband died,  she had a whip that her husband fashioned that had three metal claws on the end. It was designs with the thoughts of not only tearing the flesh of whoever it touched, but potentially damaging vital organs, causing the victim to surely die faster than a regular whip would. It was created to get information out of his enemies.Elizabeth's aunt, Klara, was said to have taught her the art of flagellation; whipping as a form of torture. As cruel as her husband was, he never used this device. He left it behind because it disgusted him so. However, she didn't find it so disgusting for she often used it whenever she was in one of her fits of rage. Rather than whipping her victims along the back and buttocks, she would whip them in the front so that she could see their faces cringe. She also had a cage that was called The Iron Virgin that was shaped in a womanly figure but had blades inside of it. These were just a few of the medieval torture devices she used.











 What you must keep in mind is that once her husband died, she ended up having four accomplices that helped her do all of these deeds. She did not do everything on her own. She also didn't come up with all these ideas on her own, although it seems as though she was to be held accountable for a large portion of  her actions.

The discovery of blood truly was by accident. When a servant pulled Elizabeth's hair too hard while brushing it, she smacked the girl and drew blood. When Elizabeth noticed a small amount of the girl's blood on her hand, she though that she saw her skin firm up. Within the castle were groups of witches, seers, alchemists and sorcerers that she housed to save them from being killed. She used their talents to benefit her. She felt that her youth and beauty was more important than ever to find a new husband and to secure her reign. With youth, she could regain political power and would have a husband to play into her vanity. Without both, she would lose her chance to be King and would lose the chance to have a lover forever. She went to one of the alchemists and presented the theory of using virginal blood to restore what she felt she was losing. In fear of what would happen, the alchemist agreed that it was a suitable solution. Perhaps this was when Elizabeth's mental state truly declined. I'm not sure what she saw but she believed that the blood of these young girls was restoring everything. Keep in mind that a most girls were married off around the age of 14 in those days. In order to get a virginal girl, I'd assume they were around the ages of 12-14.



The slow tortures and deaths of young girls increased in number. This is partly because The Countess began to have female lovers to influence her more than her aunt did. Elizabeth was said to have lost her humanity all together. She would hang girls and drain their blood till they died. The girls would be hung upside down with their ankles in chains. Their throats would be slit and the blood would drain into her tub so she could bathe in it while the blood was still warm, thickened, sticky state. If a girl had exceptional beauty, Elizabeth would not only drink the blood from a goblet but would attack the girl. She would bite chunks of skin off. Allegedly she became so enraged and so "dependent" on the blood that she would slit a young girl's throat and drink the blood from her neck as it ran out.

For a time, The Countess was giving the girls proper burials by a local Protestant minister. In fact, she went out of her way. Even when the minister threatened to stop, she made sure it happened. She ended up threatening him in order to stop him from spreading the news of what was going on within the palace because too many girls were coming to him dying of "mysterious causes." It didn't last long because the frenzy to quench her thirst for this rejuvenating blood caused her to eventually not care and dispose of the bodies in haphazard manners throughout the castle borders and countryside. 

After five years in 1609 (although some would argue it was 1607), the blood of the peasants weren't making as big of a difference as Elizabeth had liked. Influenced by a lover, she became convinced that they were of poor blood and she wanted blood more rich to satisfy her needs. She created a school that would cater to furthering the education of young socialites so that they could take the chance to gain political power if that chance presented itself. She took in 25 young girls....at a time. She continued with all of her rituals and became very careless. This is where it gets fuzzy. In some articles it was said that a girl managed to escape and reach the proper authorities. In others it is presented that Elizabeth dumped the blood drained bodies of four young girls. Some local peasants took the bodies to be identified and word spread to the Emperor, Matthias II, who then took matter into his own hands. Elizabeth never took into account that these girls had wealthy and powerful families. The weird thing is that no one was inclined to address all the peasant girls who disappeared and died because they weren't of any importance. Only the girls of proper families were discussed.The mystery of the missing girls was soon solved. The Castle Csejthe was raided on December 30th 1610.

Before the trial could commence, they found the missing girls. Some were thrown into the fireplace. Some had their hands burnt and breasts bitten off. Some didn't have eyes or arms. A few were still alive.They exhumed the bodies of 50 girls, many of them had many piercings and puncture wounds to drain the blood. The Emperor ordered a public trial of the Countess and all involved in 1610.

While Elizabeth was of noble blood and could not be executed, her followers were burned at the stake. Before that could happen, the women were ordered to have their fingers torn off by burning hot pinchers since it was their hands that were the instruments of torture. Word spread about the trial and it became a public spectacle. She was charged, but never convicted,  for the death of 80 definite girls, but also for the possible deaths of a total of over 600 girls. Supposedly what sealed her fate was the fact that she had a journal that listed the names of every single girl. From what I read, that journal is locked away in a state archive in Budapest and is unable to be translated due to the poor quality of handwriting, damage, the grotesque actions depicted and the age of the language. One thing that I discovered was said in this diary was if a girl didn't endure the tortures well and died too quickly, she was marked as being "too small".

Witnesses began to describe, in detail, what had happened during those years. Some 300 witnesses came forward. It was the girls who made the biggest difference. They announced that they were tortured for weeks and sometimes months. During the trial, a list of the tortures that were inflicted by Elizabeth and her followers included:
-severe beatings over extended periods of time
-burning or mutilation of hands, faces, and genitalia
-biting the flesh off the faces, arms and other bodily parts such as breasts
-freezing victims to death by pouring cold water over their naked bodies during the winter until the water hardened
-covering girls in honey and tying them outside to be nibbled on by bugs and stung by bees
-severe beatings, administered by Elizabeth herself, who reportedly beat girls about the face “till their bones broke”.
-applying red-hot irons to the soles of girls’ feet.
-mutilation of the face, hands and genitals, including cutting off or splitting open the fingers,
-sexual abuse of the most depraved nature
-placing oily rages between a girls legs and setting them on fire.
-mock “surgery”, including forcing one girl to strip a piece of flesh off her own arm.
abductions. If girls did not come willingly, they were beaten unconscious and carried to the castle.
-biting off their flesh, sometimes until they died. Bites were taken off the cheek, the shoulder, and any part where there were a lot of flesh. Witnesses report she would have male servants eat their flesh.
-stabbed with needles and scissors
-forcing girls into small cages filled with spikes, or tying them up to the walls in the dungeon.
-starvation.

She really did have political standing. She was in line to be the King of Hungary since her husband died and I didn't read of her ever marrying again. Her uncle was named to be the King of Poland.  Her family even provided two of the most important ruling princes.

Rather than being executed, which wasn't allowed due to her political status, she was ordered to "house arrest". She sentenced her to spend the rest of her years locked up inside a room. Some of what I read states that it was her room that was completely bricked over with a slot large enough to slide food in. Other say it was the dungeon that she used to torture her victims. She died four years later, at the age of 54, due to mysterious circumstances. They aren't sure the exact date she died because they found a plate of food was never eaten. She was discovered dead on August 21st 1614. Throughout the years she was imprisoned, it was said that she never uttered any words of remorse or regret.

I read numerous websites over the past five hours and will include the websites:
http://steffmetal.com/countess-elizabeth-bathory/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_B%C3%A1thory
http://articles.mibba.com/Biographies/3211/Serial-Killer-of-the-1600s-Elizabeth-Bathory
http://bathory.org/shyla.html
http://www.abacom.com/~jkrause/bathory.html
http://www.whataslacker.com/backdoor/elizabeth_bathory/

Friday, October 29, 2010

And people wonder why I hate when others know where I live!

I had a terrifying dream last night. Maybe it was this morning? Either way, it was the "longest" dream I've had in a while. Watching Supernatural had nothing to do with it because there wasn't anything paranormal about it at all. It was just one of those dreams that involved someone hunting me down.

My dream started out with myself in this dark room with three other girls. We were all captives and the guy kept himself pretty concealed but he was in the room with us. He sat closest to me and was cradling me. He was almost being very sweet with me but he explained that he was going to rape each one of us one by one and that when he was done with us, he was going to dispose of us. I knew that I was taken out of my home and was brought here, but I didn't remember this in my dream. He said it may or may not be in that order. He asked if there was anything I wanted since I was the first. He said he always gave his favorites the first go and that they had special privileges. I asked for three things: I asked for a condom, for aspirin and for ear plugs. He asked me why and I explained to him that I had a headache and a toothache (which wasn't true) and that was also why I wanted ear plugs. I didn't want to hear the other three scream because it would make my head pound. I also didn't want to hear them die. He said he was going to grant my wish but he made sure to see that we were all bound before he left the room.

I was loose but I hid that fact. When he closed the front door and walked towards the car, I started to untie myself and tried to get the others unbound. They were younger and too scared to go anywhere, so I said I would come back with the cops to rescue them. I ran. I don't even know which direction I ran to but I ran...

The next part of the dream was myself in hiding. I had a cop around me and he told me to duck in the bushes. He explained that there was a double inside a different house posing to be me with a fake family. Hints were given out in the community that I was having "dinner with my family for the holidays to celebrate my return home". The family was a decoy and they were all dressed with bullet-proof vests under their clothes and strapped with concealed weapons. The cop next to me had headphones on that were supposed to check the heartbeats of the people in the immediate area. The area was supposed to be almost abandoned. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary. The man who took me wasn't here, and I knew he wasn't here.

The next part of the dream was around a police station. I don't know why the cop and I were walking in a neighborhood but we were and I told him that the man wasn't going to be at the house. He was more composed than that. I said I knew he was going to search for me in a place where I felt safe. The cop stopped. It was then that he said he heard an abnormal heartbeat. He said that he had the machine honed in to the suspect's heartbeat and would only hear his if it became to pump differently, with adrenaline. He told me to run and he drew his gun. So we ran and he split up from me.

Here is where the dream gets fuzzy. I ran into these sparse bushes along the road. I crouched and ran in between those bushes and a chain link fence. I heard tires squeal and I heard a gun go off. It wasn't the cop's gun because it was too quiet. I ran into a yard that had these tall, extremely trimmed bushes that was almost like a maze. I was trying to disorientate my hunter and hide. I was looking for weak spots in the bush walls so go through the wall and escape. There were just too many branches so I continued to run and I kept hearing the man whisper my name as if he was right behind me. He kept whispering phrases, some of which I couldn't understand, and it seemed like he was whispering it right into my ear as I ran, which terrified me even more.

I tried to find some sort of public area, like a park or a mall, but rather than that public figure being where I knew it should be, I ended up being in this field where I was out in the open. I turned around hoping to get back into the neighborhood but saw that it was gone. Instead, the man was walking out of the brush into the opening of the field. He kept telling me not to be afraid, kept calling my name and holding his hand out but I was too afraid to take it because I could see his eyes.

Then I woke up to Daylan holding me and telling me not to be scared. How great.

See people don't understand why I don't like anyone knowing where I live. They wonder why I panic when I am home alone and hear a door shut outside the house, even in daylight. I've already had Daylan's family walk into my house because they have a key. The last time was about two weeks ago. I was asleep on the couch in a tshirt and underwear when his dad and step-mom walked into the house through the back door. When I lived in Florida in the apartment for two years, five people were inside my apartment. Period. The only people inside were Daylan, Vanessa, Gabriel, Case and Kaydee. The only ones who knew where I lived with my parents, Daylan's mom and step-dad, Nessa and Case. No one else knew. I was so paranoid because people would knock on my door early in the morning, like 3am, and no one would be there. Or people would pound on my door during the day and I had no idea who they were or what they wanted. It's only natural that I would have this dream.

I hate when people know where I live.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Just a little jealous

I found out that one of my friends, Melissa, is pregnant today. I would say that it seems to be in the water. My friends are all popping up to be pregnant within a few months of each other. Of course that statement is ridiculous because I have close to 200 friends on Facebook. Most of the females are married so surely they will have babies. It doesn't mean that I won't be a little jealous from time to time.

Melissa has been married for two months. Part of me was hoping she wouldn't get pregnant immediately because I had such a hard time in my marriage. Four months into it and I was pregnant. It was true that I was trying, but I really should have thought about it deeper. I thought we were ready. We were old enough, Tom was in the Army, I was working and there weren't any reasons why it shouldn't work out. I don't even remember when but Tom wasn't in the Army anymore and we were working jobs that weren't paying a whole hell of a lot. Not to mention that the hormones had me a bit crazy. Things just got in the way and I left when Gabriel was three months old. My year anniversary was spent when I was 8 months pregnant.

Hopefully things will be different for Melissa. The stress of money and pregnancy won't get in the way. Family will stay where they need to be and not get overly involved like what happened to me. She will still be able to do things. They will be able to do things together. Babysitters won't be a problem. Scheduling won't be a problem. I can only hope that things will be far easier for her than they were for me.

With that said, I am jealous. She is pregnant. Gabriel's Aunt Jennie just entered her second trimester with her third child. It makes me wish that things were more stable for Daylan and I. I haven't been able to get a job for six months and we are living off of his pay. If we were paying for rent, we would be screwed. If I had a job, I would be actively planning our wedding. As it stands, we don't know when we will be married yet. We had a date for April 15th, but now we just aren't sure. I have to move back to Florida for a year and maybe we will just get married in Florida before I move back to Texas. Hearing about other people's pregnancies make me wish I didn't have my IUD in. Holding two newborns in the past two months really makes me wish I could do that all the time.

Part of that is guilt because Gabriel is still in Florida. Once I get there, I plan on making up for all the lost time I've been in Texas. I can do the relocation paperwork properly. Part of me wishes that I could have another child to start over with and be the mom (for both of them) I should have been the whole time. It isn't that I don't love Gabriel but I mentally haven't been as around as I should have been. I had too much help that I fell back on. I'm definitely hoping that when I am in Florida again that I can get everyone to understand that I need to do it on my own this time.

I understand that now is not a good time to be pregnant. It is the reason why I've had my IUD for almost three years. I am hoping that within another two to three more years I will be able to take this out and feel comfortable in the idea of having another baby. Hopefully two more within a close period of time. I just need to get myself to that place where this can happen. I also need to get myself married.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

What A Failure

Before I moved to Texas, I hated cooking. My ex husband made it seem like it was a mandatory thing to do and I always ended up having to cook for his friend. I wouldn't have had an issue with it, but his best friend was over every single night. Plus my ex never quite gave me the compliments that I wanted, so everything was half-assed. I made it healthy enough since I was pregnant, but I never tried to do anything spectacular.

After I moved to Texas, I actually wanted to cook. The original agreement was that Daylan would cook and I would do the dishes. Of course that never happened. I ended up being in charge of both. I did manage to find a few recipes online that I wanted to try, and before I knew it, I was beginning to like this whole 'Woman over the stove' thing. Most of what I made were chicken recipes, but I do have other recipes stored in my laptop with other types of meat. I just have yet to try them. The thing that mattered the most was that Daylan actually would compliment me on the dishes. They were creative and they tasted good. We rarely had left-overs, no matter how much I would cook.

Tonight I was wanting to do something completely made from scratch. I found three recipes I wanted to do and the one I was the most excited for was a stuffed ravioli with spinach and ricotta cheese. Everything would be made from scratch. The pasta, the filling, the sauce. I hadn't ever tried to do that before. I had never tried to make my own pasta. I thought it would be really neat. I was looking forward to it. The grocery bill was pretty high because everything I bought was completely healthy. It was what I needed for the three recipes, plus my basics.

Well, I began to make everything according to the recipe and never bothered to read it past the ingredients. I made the dough, which was a pain to make. It was messy and it got everywhere, including me. I can't tell you how many times I had to wash my hands. I made the mix. I even had to flatten the dough. The only problem is that the dough wouldn't stick to each other no matter how hard I pressed it together. The filling ended up not staying inside the pockets in the pasta. Yeah, like I said, it was a pain.

The whole process was an utter disaster! The recipe didn't say how long anything was supposed to boil in the water and then I had to pan fry it.Since when do you pan fry ravioli? It never said how long I was supposed to do that. It didn't say at what temperature everything was supposed to be. It also never mentioned that it would smoke my whole house up to do it in a pan. The ravioli ended up being hard. Not only that, but it was so bland! It didn't even look like the picture. The picture looked delicious and what I made clearly wasn't even close. I even added extra seasoning and it still tasted like....garbage. I was so angry! I literally cried. Even if I didn't cry from anger, I would have cried from the smoke. It was a good thing I didn't have smoke detectors in the house.

My cooking still isn't up to par with a chef, but it has always turned out to be pretty good. I knew the thing I really needed to work on was my food presentation. I was actually beginning to take pride in what I was cooking. This was the first meal that I was so disappointed with. It took about two hours from start to finish to get everything done and I was hoping that it would turn out well. I would rather something that only took half an hour to make to be horrible.

Needless to say, I should have taken a better look at the recipe but I also shouldn't have became so upset. I shouldn't have taken that one dish so personally but I was so invested in it. To top it off, it was a waste of money. A whole bag of spinach, a whole container of ricotta cheese, a pack of Parmesan cheese, a bunch of butter (to pan fry everything), 8 eggs and close to six cups of flour was wasted for something that went straight into the trash. Daylan even tried to eat it with Alfredo sauce, but the instant he saw me throw it all away, he quickly hopped on that bandwagon. Daylan is a human garbage disposal and even he couldn't eat it. That says a lot.

It took my watching Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium to actually feel better. Well, that and a post that my friend, Kristen, posted. It certainly was a cute movie. Gabriel will love it. I really should try to find that for him :).

Next time I want to try to make something similar, I will actually read the recipe more thoroughly to see if it even sounds right. I still want to try to make it, but I will do it at a different time. I will make sure it sounds like it will taste good. I don't want to go and waste  products for something that won't even be edible. God, what a waste!

Good Morning To Me!

Normally when I wake up, it is around 9 a.m. and my bedroom is still pretty dark. The sun hasn't peaked over the neighbor's trees. The vertical blinds are closed and the bathroom door, in the hallway, is usually opened a bit to block the sunlight coming from the living room. The tv is almost always going because we both need some sort of noise to distract us, especially me. Yesterday morning was a little different.

At first I really didn't think anything of it. It was darker than normal so I thought that maybe I woke up really early. It happens every morning. Around 5 a.m., I make my way to the restroom and don't wake back up till 9. I looked at the dvr and noticed that the time was correct, but the entire room was dark. A 30 Seconds To Mars music video was on tv to cheer me up, and then I heard the thunder. "Finally, we have rain!" is what went through my head and I posted on Facebook about how much I loved thunderstorms. I was just sitting up in bed watching the music video when the tv switched to the emergency broadcast system. There was a tornado warning in my county. Literally within two to three minutes, everything came together in a way that was not what I had expected.

Suddenly all I heard was the tornado siren blaring throughout my house.The airport is less than a five minute drive and there is a siren pretty close to me. I'm sure it would have been louder if the wind wasn't howling outside. I opened the front door, which is next to my bed, and found that the sky was a very dark grey, which is completely different for this area. There is rarely ever a cloud in the sky. In the six months I have lived here, I can count on one hand how many times it has rained. I also noticed there was some resistance in closing the door. You would think that the tornado warning on the tv would have been the first sign. So rather than be the smart person I usually am, I went to the room with the most windows to look out the back door. I couldn't even see the lake in my backyard. It was nothing but a cloud. It was almost like I had fog surrounding the house.

It was around that time when I suddenly got my bearings straight. I got some pants and shoes on, just in case, grabbed my phone and went to the room in the house that had the smallest window; the bathroom. It is also the only room in the house with a door. We have plenty of door frames,but no doors, besides the front and back door. Daylan called to tell me that the house is made out of cinder block and not to worry. Yeah, what a thing to tell someone that is practically waking up around that time.

The thing that really jolted me the most was hearing pebbles hit all the windows and the doors. It sounded like I was standing in a bedroom of a two story house to hear some teenage boy throwing pebbles at my window to get my attention. It was strong. The windows weren't just being tapped, they were being hit. I didn't even think that it could have possibly been hail because hail was not something I was accustomed to having lived in Florida for 19 years. I just thought that it was pebbles, which had to have meant that there was a tornado around but I didn't hear the freight train sound that people always announce. I love storms and I watch a lot of storm shows on tv. People always say they hear this howl. They said it is very distinctive. There wasn't a train sound but really that didn't help out a lot. All I kept hearing was the thunder. This wasn't the thunder that I am use to hearing. This thunder sounded like someone was shooting a shotgun outside my house. It was that loud and that sudden that it terrified me. I made one quick scream.

The smart girl in me would have stayed in the bathroom, but I was impatient. I had adrenaline coursing through me and I was alone. Daylan was at work and I was dealing with this by myself. I tried to call my friend in Illinois, Kristen, but only got her voice mail. When I get freaked out or I get nervous, I always try to call someone so that I can have someone to calm my nerves. This morning I was alone. Daylan didn't have time to stay on the phone when he called. He just wanted to tell me not to panic and had to get back to work. Boy, some company would have been helpful.

The whole ordeal only lasted about five to seven minutes till the siren went off and the tapping of the windows disappeared. The big warning signs were gone, so I made my way to the back door. The lake was still a gray haze, but I could at least see more than just the border of the water. That was a little big more comforting. It was simply a sign that things were going to get better.

It took about half an hour for the thunder to not be as loud and several more hours till the thunder went away completely. Now it was just a thunderstorm. The rain wasn't nearly so heavy and the lake was completely visible now. Part of me wondered just how much rainfall we got and wondered if it would last longer. Unfortunately the rain seemed to absorb into the ground as quickly as it fell. I was just thankful that the imminent threat was gone. Now all I needed was for it to brighten up just a bit. I actually had to turn a light on. Thank goodness I still had power amidst all of this or I would have been more scared than I was.

The rest of the day was crystal clear. Around 1pm the sun was shining bright and it was like the storm never happened. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and my yard was barely wet. Apparently the other side of town wasn't so lucky.

The Concho River flooded, which is a normal occurrence. This area really doesn't fair well with even minor rain and the river floods with inch of water that hits the ground. Around 200 people were without power and a few people had to have water rescues. Lightning struck three times, one of which was almost a possible fire. Supposedly a tornado did touch down in Wall, TX which is 13 miles away but I can't seem to find any proof of it online. Yeah, 13 miles away from my house is close enough.