Trying to pinpoint the moment

When did I become an adult? I know when I became a parent and when I turned 18. I certainly wasn't an adult then. I remember when I turned 21. I still don't think I felt like one then. Did it occur sometime between the ages of 21 and 25? All I know is sometimes I am doing the most mundane thing and suddenly I stop dead in my tracks and think "Wow, this feels very adult-like" or "How did I end up here?" Of course I don't mean here as in location.

I can be pushing a shopping cart full of groceries to the back of Daylan's car with him and get that feeling. Other times I am turning off a lamp in the living room. It feels so weird to me. Other times I wake up in the middle of the night, to use the restroom, and I see him sleeping next to me. It's not a feeling of shock or uncertainty; it's a feeling of lost time. When did I get here? How did I get here?

I can be doing the dishes and I peek out the small window to see the greenery outside. It doesn't feel new or unfamiliar. I've seen those trees, those rocks, and that background for a year. It's not like the bluff shifted in the middle of the night and I'm in a new environment. It's not like I'm in a new grocery store or I am turning off a brand new lamp in a new home. It's the same things I've been doing. In three days I will have been here a year. Even during this year I've been struck with this feeling. My mind knows I'm an adult but my heart wonders when the hell that happened.

When the hell did I turn 27? In a month and a half I'll be 28. Maybe I keep feeling this way because I figured I should have gone farther in my life. By 28, I should have been happily married, with more than one child, with a college degree, a career, a house and a car that was almost paid off. None of that has happened, with the exception of one child. No career. No house (that I've bought). My car isn't paid off, but it should be in a year? I haven't even accomplished two consecutive years at college before I had to take a break. (Divorcing and moving into an apartment put a damper on paying for my books and classes out of pocket). It's the only thing I can think of that would account for the sudden feeling of lost time. It's not like I'm partying or doing things I'm not supposed to do. It's not like I am going through life acting like a child.

Even as I am typing this, I am trying to think of the moment when all this happened.