Sands of time

I often stop to wonder when I became an adult. Exactly what day or what moment was it? There are endless moments to pin-point and it just seems to be unclear when it happened. It would be nice if there was a bell or a light that flickered to signal that change within myself. Through the endless heartaches, triumphs, milestones, dilemmas, and goals there had to have been a single instant.

About 150 years ago, it was still common to be married when you were fourteen and a mother by the time you were fifteen. You became a woman around that time period. Now there are more factors involved. While I haven't had the college degree that others have had, other things have happened that has changed me for the better. I'm certainly not the same person I was ten years ago.

For instance, I thought too much into what people thought about me. I couldn't stand being indoors. Well, that part hasn't changed but I am more tolerate of it. I can be at home, by myself or with someone else, for longer stretches of time before cabin fever sets in. I don't have elaborate or outlandish goals anymore. My wants and needs are far more practical. Patience was something I didn't have ten years ago. That came with age and experience. I don't somehow get sucked into drama anymore. I have become the go-to person for certain things. For instance, a server at my job asked my advice on legal and financial matters when it came to "buying" a car off of a friend to help him out but he is going to buy the car back with in a few months. I gave her advice as to what to do in case her friend backs out of the deal. I don't feel the need to always wear makeup when I'm not at work, get dressed up or do my hair. I grocery shop and do my coupon shopping without makeup, with my hair in a ponytail and in just a tank top and jeans. Who am I trying to impress? I now know there are consequences for every action and responsibilities that come with the territory. I may spend a lot on my stock pile but I don't blow my money on things I did when I was younger. I don't get my nails done, go to salons on a regular basis, buy tons of clothes and cds, buy insane amounts of shoes and purses, go to clubs or concerts or spend lavish amounts of money on others. I know there are things I need to save up for. I am content reading, doing makeup, watching movies and/or blogging. When I was 18, I wanted to be anywhere and everywhere.

When I was 18, I didn't have much regard for most people. There were a handful who's opinions and feelings I took into account, but for the most part I had the "Screw the world" mentality. I was reckless and careless. I lived in the moment and didn't really live for the future. My dreams weren't too big, but they were just too impractical. It didn't fit who I was back then and it sure doesn't fit who I am now. My judgement of character was faulty as well. I was too willing to trust anyone while now I take what people say to me with a grain of salt. I thought anyone who was my friend was willing to be there for me whenever, even if it wasn't important. It wasn't necessarily selfish of me because I did that for them (at the time) to the best of my abilities. Now I understand that people have families, careers and/or school to tend to first. I don't get offended if I don't hear back from people immediately. Excuses weren't valid to me because most of my friends weren't married or parents when we were 18. Now they are.

I try to remember who I was back then and I'm sure I was just as annoying as most 18 year old girls are now. I can't stand them now and I bet I would "hate" me if I happened to be side-by-side with my 18-year-old me. Oh the things I would say to me. I could easily come up with advice that I would have to follow.

I know I haven't done a 180 completely. There are certainly a lot of the same things that I liked then that I still love now. I still look the same, for the most part. It's just that I have matured some within the past ten years and I know I will still have made vast improvements upon myself within the next ten years. So I wonder, what will I be like then?