Monday, January 31, 2011

Monday afternoon + Dinner date at the house= A busy ass day!

We were supposed to go to the laundry mat  to wash clothes and the bedding, but I am glad that we didn't we wouldn't have had time to finish what we were supposed to do. Six hours just seems to pass before you know it. It's a good thing I started to do my chores yesterday!

As I shared, we ended up cleaning the house but I knew I was still going to have things to do today. I was going through the advertisements for Albertson's and HEB to see what was on sale this week. Last week I went and wrote down the dishes I wanted to cook that week and wrote down the ingredients I needed. I didn't do that this week, and I'm wondering if that was a mistake. This week I just wrote down what was on sale, cut out the coupons that was in the advertisements and organized the coupons I knew I wanted to use. While I am thinking about it, I should organize everything and put it in my coupon book since Daylan bought it for me.

We walk inside and I am on a mission. We walk from end to end of the grocery store trying to find the things that I wanted to get. I actually was able to get blueberries and strawberries at a decent price, thank goodness. I got more ingredients that I needed to cook dinner tonight. I got things that were BOGO deals. I got items that were 10 for $10 even though I only grabbed a few of each. We even grabbed stuff we didn't need but got anyways because either it was a good deal or thought we would need for tonight. In the end we spent $108.55 which is a little higher than our normal bill, but we saved $58.06. Most of this was healthy foods so this was a very good week!



   In this picture we got four boxes of cereal. Two are Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds and two are Pops. Daylan loves the kiddy sugar coma cereals. I like the adult cereals with 1/4 the sugar. That was 4 for $8. We also got four cases of soda which was 4 for $10.88 but I swiped a $1 off coupon from another store so that was $9.88 for four cases. The beer wasn't on sale but I like it. I got three cans of biscuits for $5, so with that I got a free half gallon of OJ (which I had to get a rain check for at the customer service desk) and a free dozen of eggs. I got five bags of various frozen vegetables, in case I run out of fresh produce or it goes bad. I got a free bottle of Excedrin for when Daylan gives me a headache when he yells at the "People in the XBOX." The cream cheese was BOGO. There were also three cans of Hunts tomato sauce 3 for $1. Everyone knows bananas are cheap. The strawberries were $3.99 so half price and I got two pints of blueberries for $5. Mushrooms were on sale for $1.79, which was half off so I grabbed two.  Two rolls of paper towels were something we needed. Two boxes of spaghetti for $1 each. I eat bread constantly so two loaves of bread for $1.49 a piece. The pork was BOGO. For $18.98 we got 20lbs worth of pork. I also got a 5lb bad of potatoes for $3.99. We got syrup, Worcestershire sauce and soy sauce because we ran out. I cook a lot with the latter two. The bag of sweet potato chips were free. Last but not least was two cans of diced tomatoes for $.79 a can.

It could have been better. I could have had more BOGO deals, I could have had more coupons and we could have gone without the beer but all in all it wasn't too horrible. We ended up really stocking up our fridge and freezer. Our fridge really needs to be cleaned out but I think we do well in there. You wouldn't know it by the door but it's pretty much healthy food. The whole top shelf is pretty much juice, tea, water and milk. The top drawer is usually our cheese and lunch meat, but we are out. The two bottom drawers are for the fresh vegetables. The middle section is yogurts, biscuits and other miscellaneous things. We certainly are getting better about keeping healthy food in there.



The freezer is just meats and frozen vegetables. We do have waffles and two frozen pizzas for nights I just don't want to cook. We normally don't have AS much meat in there, but since we got a good deal on pork, we separated it out. Three bags of four chops and two bags of two chops, all of which are vacuum sealed. Oh yeah, we are good for a while. All we will have to shop for are fresh produce, cheese and stuff we run out of. We won't have to do major shopping for two weeks or so. Please note that the picture below is almost the epitome of heaven for a man; a freezer full of meat.


I felt pretty good today. I have a clean house (for the most part) and I have more than enough food. Our bedroom needs minor work (mostly the bed and the love seat in there, Gabriel's room is the catch-all at the moment and the sun room just needs to be organized. The house doesn't look horrible at all. I never got to go for my walk but between the house work and the grocery shopping, I think I made up for it. I just have got to get into the habit of walking by myself again. I found a longer route around the neighborhood and one lap is a mile and a half. :) Oh yes, it shouldn't be so mundane now.

I'm not looking forward to washing two more hampers of clothes because it just means I am starting over on ironing. I just finished it today. Yeah I am pouting right now. However I did span it out all week. If I could just get two days of ironing, 2-3 hours each, I'd have it done so I wouldn't have to worry. I just got burnt out from a few weeks ago when we had to wash practically everything we owned. God I did enough ironing and folding that it pretty much lasted me that entire week. I hated the sight of fabric by the time that week was done.

I also got to prep and cook more quantity of food than I normally make. Everything was made from scratch. http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Cream-Cheese-Chicken/Detail.aspx


I was supposed to cook for six and a toddler so I made enough for about two servings per person. I made mashed potatoes with it. I took a bunch of potatoes, probably nine, and I cubed it. I boiled it in a huge pot with garlic powder and Italian seasoning so it would have some flavor going in. Once it was in a bowl, I added butter, milk, steak seasoning, cilantro, Italian seasoning, more garlic powder, and pepper. You would think it would be overpowering but it was still a bit bland, which is how I wanted it. The cream cheese chicken was put into two glass dishes and put in the oven. It was only supposed to cook for 15 minutes, but I was cautious. The chicken was packed in so tight that I kept it in for half an hour instead. It was still bubbling in it's own juices, but it still was dry. Trust me, I'd rather have dry chicken then semi raw chicken that would get all of us sick. Kristie and Desiree still said it was good. Daylan made banana fosters for dessert.

Plans changed a bit. I was going to boil some vegetables for the color but Amber and Marcus ditched at the last minute. They texted with "Amber just got off work and we still have important things to do." I was upset. I take things too personally and I know I should fix it. It's just they have known about dinner for a week but they  never responded to us till two or three days ago. I should have taken that as a hint. Daylan sent them a text and I sent something on FB. Half an hour ago, this is what Amber posted on FB. "So ran some erins today and while marc got his hair cut autumn and me went to petsmart and when we left autumn said..."bye kittty kitty, bye puppy, bye fish...lol shes funny." What THAT what was so important that ditched a free meal for?!? A hair cut and a trip to a pet store? I even had ravioli, juice or milk and yogurt for Autumn, who is 18 months (give or take) and kid movies set up on Netflix for her to watch. We bought extra beer for Marcus so he could have some. Actually we bought extra in case everyone wanted some. I like the beer anyway so I'll drink it. I get that Amber is 19 or 20 and Marcus is probably 22, but still. I should have known better.  Why do I even try?


Thankfully everyone had a larger serving than they wanted, and they ate it, so I don't have a ton of leftovers left. I have enough for one medium sized tupperware container which Daylan will just bring with him to work. I hate leftovers. I can eat a bunch of stuff in small amounts because I get tired of the taste. That is why I don't like leftovers; I get bored. It's also a good thing that Daylan is a human garbage disposal. He'll eat anything, even if there are a few ingredients he doesn't care for.


Now I'm sitting in bed because my back hurts. It tends to get sore if I have been on my feet all day. It was never this way before I was pregnant but this certainly isn't a symptom that has gone away. I'm just sitting so my back can stop aching and listening to the storm outside. The wind is howling and I heard big pieces of hail fall earlier. Tonight or tomorow is rumored to bring snow. If that is true, it will be the first snowfall all season. Even Florida had snow! I have yet to see it. I'd prefer it to snow during the day so I could actually see it, but I'd be happy with seeing snow on the ground when I woke up. 


I believe I will go ahead and finish this. I already posted the same pictures on FB so at least I don't have to worry about that. I just have to wash my makeup off and then I can read my book. I'm trying to make it a habit to read at night (in silence). Maybe it will calm my mind and give me just a little bit more peace. Besides, I have a ton of books that I own that I either haven't read or am halfway finished with. I might as well just start them all over.


Toodles!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

The joys of a clean home.

It's amazing how I try to find images of a maid or cleaning women and all I get are slutty pictures online. I didn't get links to a porn site, just random photos. Girls pretending to clean wearing their Halloween costume or things of that nature. Don't people have more class? Anyone can get a hold of their photo now. It's now in cyber space.

I was able to get quite a bit done today. Daylan helped but his help wasn't immensely helpful. He did clean the bathroom (although I haven't inspected it yet) and he did pick up the living room, but when I asked him to vacuum the house (after he broke glass in our bedroom which needed to be vacuumed anyway) he only vacuumed half the bedroom. When I asked him to vacuum more, and did say the rest of the house, he half-assed the other half of the bedroom. I got fed up and just vacuumed it myself.




I kept thinking about how I am becoming more like my mom. It may take me a while to clean, but I think I clean pretty effectively. Daylan half-assing it only pisses me off to the point where I just go behind him and do it my way. I just don't want him to think he gets off scott free, which is why I insist he helps me. I refuse to be the woman who does it all. He has become accustomed to my bringing his dinner plate to him, but that is as far as I am going to go.

It's amazing how a clean house can make me relax a little bit more. Too bad I'm just too lazy to keep up with it, but I do get irritated very quickly about how fast the house gets turned upside down. It's easier to just put my mind at rest. It's still running in ten directions but at least I can look at my house and take deeper breathes, figuratively. Maybe I will stop sneezing in our bedroom all the time. It's only when I am sitting up in bed. It is getting quite annoying. Taking a break from that would be nice. I'm sure if we had company over more often, I'd clean the house more often. It is embarrassing to have friends come over to a messy home, but it just doesn't happen often enough. Regardless, it makes me a little happier to see a cleaner home.

Man why can't I just have a cleaning crew come twice a month? Oh yeah, because it is $50 a pop. It's a nice idea, but still. The problem is that we have way too much small junk and I don't have enough storage things. I keep saying I will have a garage sale, but I keep putting it off. Not only that, I need to write down the things that I want to sell. I'll figure it out whenever I have to start packing again. Perhaps I'll just get separate box(es) labeled as "Garage Sale" so that I can just get it sorted out. Hey a little extra money is a little extra money.

I can breathe a little bit easier. At least the house is presentable for our company tomorrow. I just have to finish ironing and do the kitchen. Tomorrow I plan on doing laundry. I know it means I will have to start over on ironing, but I can keep the clean laundry in the spare room until company leaves. I also want to wash the bedsheets, spray the pillows/mattress, air out the house by opening both doors for a while and get some more grocery shopping done to accommodate for six or seven people. Of course that means I will have to have cooking done before everyone comes at 6:30. Besides, I want to have Daylan for for a walk with me again. I'm still working on having him walk longer distances and he is fighting me on it with tooth and nail. Pretty soon I am going to have to seriously put my foot down. We both need exercise and he isn't getting it sitting and playing video games. It will be harder for me to get the motivation to lose weight if he isn't willing to do it with me.

Well, it is midnight and I want to get some more ironing done before I retire for the evening.

That theory went out the window.

Supposedly the human brain does hundreds of functions at one time. It regulates your breathing, it sends commands to keep your heart pumping, it sends commands down your nerves to your muscles to have spasms and you are constantly thinking. The phrase "So stop thinking!" is physically impossible. If we were to stop, we would have already expired. The only thing possible is quieting the mind. Even then the brain is constantly working. Talk about having employee of the month every month. I have also heard that if you die in a dream, you will die in real life. I don't know if that is true, but what I know is false is the theory that if you wake up in the middle of a dream, you won't be able to go back where you left off.

If there is one thing people need to know about me is I despise working fast food. I've done it for ten years and I find it degrading. I've worked for Pizza Hut, Burger King, Sonic, Golden Corral and Whataburger (for two months). I kept having to go back because it was the only thing that would pay anything worth a damn. I don't ever want to go back because of how embarrassed I personally feel whenever I work there. The smell of my clothes is a major turn-off as well. Now that people know this, they will understand why the following dream was more like a nightmare to me.

 In this dream, I was working in a fast food chain. I have no proof that it was McDonald's, but it was just a feeling I got. I never heard anyone say it, I never saw the logo, but it just had that smell. Every possible scenario that could have happened, did in fact happen. It was also so extreme. Rarely did the same situation repeat itself but it all seemed to have the same outcome because I kept waking up. When I did wake up, I would try to stay awake long enough to distract myself but when my head hit the pillow, I would be back into that horrible world of fryer grease, visors and burger juices.

The manager reminded me of the manager I had at Whataburger, Jamie, and I hated her there. She was the same pretentious woman, but I never saw her face. I was in the lobby trying to stock things up and wipe stuff down and I'd be getting yelled at for not staying up front, even though there was someone already there. There were three places I was suppose to stock and organize and it was a mountain of stuff in these stations. It had to be at its max in order to be perfect (which I overstock anyway so I don't have to go back anytime soon). I'd wake up.

The dream would either start over or continue with my being behind the counter taking an order. The screen is so unfamiliar to me. The abbreviations are foreign, the combo numbers are a mystery (except for number one and number two which are the same no matter where you go) and the way the computer worked baffled me. A customer would tell me with such speed that they wanted a number seven, number nine and number four and I would constantly have to turn around to look at the menu behind me because I had no idea what they were ordering. Here is the bitching manager telling me that I should know all this by now, because my entire first day was spent behind the counter. I'd wake up.

On to another dream sequence. I'm still behind the counter and I happen to recognize a face. I have no idea who this person actually is, but in my dream he was in fact a regular. Maybe I worked here before? He looks at me and his eyes brighten as he has that hint of recognition. It was almost a relief to him because it appeared, to me, that he wouldn't have to look at another stranger. I did in fact tell him that I left, moved to Texas and just recently came back, for a year. I'd wake up again.

Bathroom trips didn't help. Paying attention to the tv didn't help. Getting drinks of water didn't help. I'd still wake up constantly and I'd still go back to this horrific dream. I'd still wake up disoriented and fatigued because it felt like I hadn't even gone to sleep at all. It didn't matter that the time on the dvr kept moving on. 3:00. 3:43. 5:23. 8:45. Not even glaring into the sunlight would help. I'd still go right back to the same dream.

People are ordering these things is such extreme quantities. A whole party or a family would be in front of me. They are ordering 13 burgers, 22 fries, 30 drinks and the computer won't lump each thing together. I am scattering through the screen to make sure the order is right, and these people are so impatient with me. I'm panicking intensely. They look at me like I am an idiot because how hard can fast food be, honestly? Anyone can do it. It's the bottom of the totum pole in experience and yet here I am struggling. I'd wake up again.

I'm back in the dream but I am trying to mop or clean the bathrooms. Right when I finish a task, it magically gets messy again. The more times I do it, the worse it ends up getting and all the while I am being called to return to the counter. I am being reprimanded for wasting time because it is obvious that I haven't done anything at all. This whiny, power-hungry manager is talking down to me and forgets that I have as many years of experience as her (it just isn't all at once and all in one company). The title has gone to her head, as it did in Whataburger, and I am fighting to not yell back in frustration. I'd wake up.

Back again I'd go and I'd leave. My parents would be there to pick me up, Gabriel would be there asking why I wasn't home. Clocks would always say 2pm, which was supposed to be my time to clock out, but it would never happen. Seconds would tick away but the time never changed. It was like I was chained there. I could not leave. I'd wake up thinking that this would be the end but without fail I am back in this dream that literally is a nightmare to me.

Now that I know dreams can in fact either start over entirely or start where you left off, why can't this happen on dreams I actually enjoy, like hot dreams with Taylor Lautner? Yes, I've had dreams where Daylan says I giggle and Taylor was the reason why. No, these dreams away go away even when I fall back asleep immediately. I'd even concentrate on that dream in hopes to go back. Instead, I go right back to the dream that I would try to avoid. Fast food. What garbage!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Yesterday just wasn't a good day.

Today was a better day. I don't feel nearly as down as I was yesterday. Sometimes I get into these funks and all I can focus on is all the stuff I wish I could change. "If I had the money..." is how it usually starts. I'd pay off my car, I'd pay off my debts, I'd go to FL, I'd go places. Usually it's not an issue but sometimes these thoughts penetrate my brain. I think I can be mildly ADD because if one thing gets stuck in my head, then it stays for days.

For instance, Jennie showed me a wedding dress and whatnot, and that is what I thought about for a week. I thought about how I could plan a cheap wedding. If the dress was of good quality, I would wear this. http://www.aliexpress.com/product-fm/339637664-Free-shipping-new-2010-wedding-dress-create-high-quality-materials-with-good-products-nearly-a-thousand-wholesalers.html Then it was about getting a house and furniture. I thought for days about the kind of house I would get. Then I got a traveling bug so I started to image all the planes I'd hop to visit all the countries on my list. It just seems that either I need a strong jolt to distract me, something new to replace the obsession or time to pass so it disappears on its own.

It seems that I will be cooking for six on Monday. I wasn't sure if Kristie and Desiree were going to come over. In fact, I thought that they wouldn't because I hadn't heard anything. Even Marcus and Amber didn't seem like they were going to come but Daylan says that they are. I will definitely need more groceries. I figure I will make cream cheese chicken. It was a hit with us. You look at the recipe list and it sounds disgusting, but we really did love it. It's cream cheese, mushrooms, chicken and then coated with nuts. There are other ingredients but that is pretty much the gist of it.  I guess I'll do boiled carrots with brown sugar and biscuits. I don't know about the sides yet.

I'm just glad that I am feeling better. Daylan and I went for a walk around the neighborhood and I went into a section I hadn't thought about before. We saw quite a few nice houses down there. "I'd buy that house" or "I'd build a house like that but it would have this drive way or this garage". We got back to talking about how much houses cost here. He asked me if I would turn half of the backyard into a garden and I told him it would depend on how big the yard is. I did find a house with a miniature green house in the front. It's perfect. No bugs could get to it and the deer wouldn't eat it. I could grow my own vegetables in there.

I even got another printer. It's the exact same one as the one we have, and hopefully it will work. There is no reason why it wouldn't. Who knows, maybe it has new ink in it. LOL. I can go back to printing my own coupons now :) Speaking of, I still need to clip last Sundays coupons. There weren't a bunch of coupons I'd use, but you never know. Something may go on sale. Now that Daylan bought me a coupon book, I can organize it without having thirty or forty loose coupons in my hand.

Anyway, I should go ahead and get a grocery list started for Monday and Daylan will be coming home from work shortly. Oh the joys of Sonic life. I can't wait for him to just leave and go work for the restaurant that his grandfather is buying. He'll make more money and get two days off. No more Sonic b.s. Now if only I could get him to quit his addiction with his xbox 360! LOL.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Can I just forget how I've been feeling today?

I can't help but feel a little sad today and a little lost. My life is so easy right now but I have so much underlying stress that I'm not sure what to do. Do I get the crappy fast food job even though I swore I would never work with food again? Do I get it just to work for two or three months only to quit and move? I don't even know what kind of job I'd get in FL so I don't know what kind of apartment to get. Obviously it would have to be along the cheaper price point but I don't want to live in a crap apartment. I'm afraid that whatever job I do get here isn't going to help much because I'm sure I owe money in FL. Will I earn enough to cover what I owe so I can start off debt free there? Probably not but I'm hoping to be able to at least get the utilities turned on.

I know none of this is going to flow well but my mind is just racing.

I invited two friends over for dinner. It's really the only two "friends" I have left in San Angelo. It's Kristie and Desiree. Daylan and Kristie work together. She is his best friend here. Desiree is her girlfriend. I've asked Desiree on Facebook twice if she wanted to come. If my phone were working, I would have sent a text. I haven't had a response. She did send a response today but either Facebook is being a pain or she deleted it which looks like she didn't bother to respond. I keep getting a gut feeling that it just isn't happening. I even asked Kristie and the look she gave me puzzled me a bit. I just don't have high hopes about having a dinner with "friends".

I know I shouldn't take everything so personal but at they could at least give me the common courtesy to say no. I don't want to have food prepared, just in case they do show up, only to find out that I'm still only cooking for Daylan and myself. I'm afraid I will break down and cry if that happens because my eyes are filling with tears as I write this.  It wouldn't be this way if I wasn't so isolated here.

I really am isolated. I'm in this house all day long every day. All I do is sit on the internet, watch tv, iron and cook. I have no where to go and no one to hang out with. I was friends with Priscilla, but I got tired of her lies. Because that friendship ended, it was hard to stay friends with Beaux and Eric since they still hung out with her. It was especially awkward finding out she was at Fast Eddies. I was friends with Prisilla but she made some snide comment on FB about how rude I was for saying that the world was not ending (to her brother when he was posting about the apocalypse of 2012). She thought I wouldn't see it so that was the end of that. It wasn't only that. She would yell at Daylan at work and it sounded like she was abusing her power at Sonic. If she wasn't married to Joe (Daylan's boss), she wouldn't be acting the way that she does. Kristie and Desiree, to my knowledge, have no reason to dislike me, but I just have this feeling that they wont' be coming to dinner, which will give me some sort of message. There isn't even much to do. Since I don't have a job, which is also my fault, I haven't been able to meet people but not having a license is going to hinder me getting a job.

Geez I am just frustrated today.

Not to mention that I don't feel sexy. Daylan and I have put on weight here and because of that, I don't see him as sexy. I don't even feel sexy so when he wants to get frisky, I am completely turned off by it. He has gotten annoying lately and I do have some resentment towards him. If he put as much effort into going out or helping me with the house as he does in playing those damn video games, half the issue would go away. He is making an effort to walk with me but it's a half-hearted effort. The only thing he does is he dries the dishes as I wash them. If I really get on his case, he will pick up the living room but he won't clean it. He won't vacuum. He throws his clothes everywhere knowing that I am the one who has to iron everything. Yes, he is the one who is working. I should be the one who keeps the house clean, who irons, who cooks but he doesn't make everything else easy. He also thinks I am going to perk right up for sex and I just don't feel sexy. I don't feel like having sex. His stamina has been lacking so he just has been having sex so he can come quick. I don't really get anything out of it anymore. How can I have sex if I feel horrible, feel disgusting and know I will be lying there feeling unsatisfied by the sexual experience?

What happened to the days when sex was the one thing on my mind? I wanted sex three or four times a day and moving here has drained that out of me. I always wanted him touching me. Now I can't stand when he spanks me, or pinches me. I can't stand him always humping me. I use to want his hands on me at all times. I use to want nothing more but to kiss him. Now kissing leads to sex and I just don't want it. I use to like it when he would pinch my butt when no one was looking. Now I just think it is childish. I could have been a homebody for him but now that I am one....it just isn't working.

Today is just a frustrating day. I'm lonely. I'm mad. I'm wanting to be around people. I am wanting friends around. I want to go places. I'm sick and tired of his work schedule. Today is just a bad day. I don't even want to cook, so it's a pizza night. I don't even want to iron though I know I should. I'm only halfway done and it took me three hours to iron the first half of the laundry. The only thing I have to look forward to is going to Hastings, watching Lie To Me with Daylan with a fire going and going to watch HellRaiser right now. He got the Netflix account to work on that wretched 360.

So now I will end the bitching and go back to how I was feeling when I first woke up.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

A place to call our own

Daylan made a promise that he would go walking with me three times a week, and I make sure that he sticks to that promise (although I need to work on getting him to walk more than half a mile). Today we decided we wanted to walk around downtown and we parked right in front of this rinky-dink furniture store. We did find a few things we liked amongst all the "little old lady" furniture. I'm not even kidding. It was couches with wild 70's print or 30's floral patterns. It was porcelain cat figurines to put on your bed. Entertainment units that were massive but only could hold a small tv. I'm sure some of it was new but some of it just couldn't have been.

Inside the store we did find a table that we liked. It was small but tall. It was still large enough to have room for four people but it wasn't the standard dining room table that was made to fill up an entire room. Because it was tall, it had a sliding door underneath to store things like place mats, napkin holders or whatever you wanted to put underneath it. The chairs also swiveled, which apparently is a huge deal for Daylan. We both liked it because it was so tall, since we are both vertically gifted, but it didn't take up a lot of room. I still believe that it was able to extend to a large size but Daylan seems to disagree. Even if it doesn't, I still like it despite the fact that it is light wood. I can always buy a can of wood stainer and just have at it. I love dark woods like cherry or espresso.

Another thing we found was a living room set. It was a couch, love seat and recliner in this gorgeous chocolate micro suede. It was huge and fluffy but it was still firm which was a surprise. I'm not sure if it was something I liked or not but I also know that a firm seating arrangement would be better on my back in the long run, especially when I do decide to have another child (not to mention it would be easier to get up off of). We know we wouldn't have room in the lake house, but we then started to imagine having our own house. If the living room was large enough, this set would definitely fit in it. The loveseat and couch both had a seat that was used to recline so it wouldn't be like Daylan would be the only one to prop his legs up. I already know that his lazy ass would occupy the recliner, and he would dub it "his throne." Yes, insert a rolling of the eyes as you re-read "his throne".

All that did was prompt a house conversation. It's no secret that we both want a house since we talked about starting to save up for it once he takes over the restaurant (Mr. T's). We both agree we want a three bedroom house. He wants the third bedroom to be his "man cave" and I want a bedroom big enough to where I could put a vanity table in there. I could just do my makeup separately. I still want a bedroom for guests, so I suppose a 4BR house is what we would need but who knows when we would be able to afford that. I also know I would want the master bedroom on the opposite side of the house from the other bedrooms. I want to be able to watch tv in bed without Gabriel hearing it. Not to mention the fact that I don't want my sex life to resonate through the house, especially with house guests.

I mentioned that we should get into house rental and/or house flipping in our later years. His grandmother and uncle do it and they are doing very well for themselves. Andy is in his early 40's, is single and still owns an Escalade. The house he is in is a house he is flipping. It has a top of the line kitchen that is conducive for mass quantity of cooking and the whole top story was converted to be a huge master bedroom and bath. There aren't any other bedrooms. I suppose it is geared towards a wealthy bachelor chef who enjoys entertaining at his/her house on a regular basis. I wouldn't want to always move from house to house but it would be nice to buy a house, once we are finished with what we want to do with it, and flip houses to sell back.

Another thing I mentioned is to one day buy one of those huge colonial homes that we see. If we were to fix it up, we could live in one part of the home, such as the top half, and have another family live in the bottom half. They pay most of our mortgage as their rent and we would be living cheaply. However it would still mean that we would have to have the money to buy the place and either fix it up or convert it back to a house. It would be so neat to have a family, or couple, that we like occupying the other half of the house.

What we would probably do is join his uncle on a forclosure sale and see if we could buy one of these homes and just fix it up. It would be far cheaper than what most people seem to be doing. It would also get our foot in the door for the business his uncle is in. I know that Daylan will be the general manager for this restaraunt, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to take part in the family business, especially since they are all doing very well for themselves. Between Grammie, Grandpa Sir and Andy, they own about 110 homes that they rent out. Come on now. Just assume that they are all $500 a month, that is $55,000 a month that they are just earning. Grammie and Grandpa Sir own most of them but Andy owns a few himself. That certainly is not a bad way to earn some money.

It will take a while for us to get into, but that is just what we were daydreaming about when we were walking today.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

What a lie.

Yesterday Daylan and I went to an Albertson's that was closing. It's the one by Daylan's job.Grammie said that things were 50% off and we figured it wouldn't hurt to go through and see what we could get on sale. Man, what a rip off! Some stuff was 30% off but the rest was more like 5%. I'm not joking. That was what was on the sign. Things were $0.12 cents cheaper. What a sale. I get that they were just wanting to make as much money as they could for as long as they can, but my goodness. They had papers up saying what the sale was, what the original price is and what it should be with the sale. I thought I was going to get some good deals on things so Daylan said I could buy some things that I needed. It wasn't on sale. We ended up spending more than we thought. The price tag was after the sale. Had we known that, we wouldn't have grabbed it. Why put that paper up? What is worse is everything in nonrefundable. God, I would have returned most of that. The only good deal I got was on brown foundation (for a look I want to do) and on deodorant. I got it for $1.99 but that is only because I had a really good coupon. Oh to make it worse, they wouldn't double coupons or change the price of coupons. They could have altered the price of the coupon so it would be free rather than a "money maker" but they wouldn't let me use the coupon at all. Oh well, it was just a dollar. Screw that. We will stick with the Albertson's by the house and HEB from now on. However, I still have to use my coupons within a few days before they expire.

Ok, rant done.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

My realizations for today

Today is Daylan's Mamaw's (his great grandmother) 92nd birthday so we were obligated to make an appearance. It was a very last minute thing so I was rushing to shower, put makeup on and get dressed. He kept telling me not to worry about it and to just throw something on but I knew people were going to take pictures. I don't imagine Mamaw being around for much longer so cameras are usually around for every visit. There isn't anything physically wrong with her. She just has no energy. She can't remember much and her spirit seems to be dwindling now that she is in a nursing home rather than a senior citizen living facility. Sure enough, I was right. It's a good thing I tried to make myself presentable.

I remember when I first moved here, I made an effort to speak. People who are acquainted with me know I talk. A lot. People who really know me know it takes me a while to get to that point, but when I do I don't shut up. It isn't the case at Grammie's house. It isn't the case at really anyone's house (that is related to him). I would try to talk but Grammie always seems to dominate every conversation. If it isn't her then it is Daylan's newest step-mother, Kathy. Yup, number four. It seems to be a  nickname from time to time amongst the kids. There just isn't a chance that I could get more than three sentences out within a half hour period there.

The thing is, I thought I was being slick. I'd say enough, here and there, to make it seem like I was still being polite and part of the conversation. Apparently I'm not as slick as I thought I was. Grammie's long time friend, Sandra, noticed it pretty quickly.

From May up until the beginning of August, I use to go to Grammie's every Sunday. Daylan and I would have Sunday brunch, we'd sit and talk and then Daylan would leave me while he went to work. I'd play hand and foot there. Before I knew it, Daylan's dad was running his mouth. I was evil, manipulative, money hungry, no good, conniving and a liar. I was allegedly all sorts of things. Of course Daylan texted his dad and Kathy back to say that it was all a lie and Kathy believed her husband. We use to do laundry there every week and have dinner with them. Before I knew it, she was banging on our bedroom door at 8am saying "Real friends don't do that." Daylan is with me everywhere I go and he told her that he had no idea what she was yelling about. She was even throwing stuff at him. Soon after, Daylan's grandparents hated me. It even went so far that his mom called Grammie to see what the hell was going on and she told Daylan that Grammie's exact words were that "She should go back to Florida and not come back." This was the night before I was supposed to fly to Florida. Even Daylan's sister was defending me and she doesn't particularly like me. Since then, I rarely go over around any of them and even when I do, I don't talk. I've tried since then, but I keep having that instance in the back of my mind and it causes me to shut up all over again.

Sandra noticed. I've only seen her three of four times since I've been here but she picked up on it immediately. We were talking about how I haven't played Hand and Foot since the beginning of August and she said "I've noticed you haven't been coming around much." I told her it all started with Greg (Daylan's dad) and then immediately said that feelings were still high so I avoided everyone completely till things cooled down. "I've also noticed you don't talk to anyone anymore but you still nod and smile." What can I say to that? Sorry, I'll try harder next time?

Another thing is that I was in the mood to watch some porn. I use to love it, until I came back from Florida at the beginning of September. I hadn't watched it since until today. Man, quality has gone down a bunch. The girl was thicker. She wasn't fat but she was thicker and they tried to pass her off as being eighteen. She had to have been my age. She had a huge tongue ring that was just so obvious. She was bleach blonde but in horrible need to have her dark brown roots touched up. They also didn't bother to give her nice makeup like they did for the title girl. The original girl had her hair done, professional makeup done, false lashes and manicured acrylic nails. She was beautiful. This girl was trailer trash. The only words out of her mouth was "This eighteen year old ass" and things of that nature. It was bad advertising. Not only that, she had a horrible boob job. She had a large cup, but she was flat. It was almost like her implants were deflated. You could also see her scars underneath and going up to her nipple. Geez, I hope not every woman has scars like hers. She should have got her money back for that job. Oh, I forgot to mention, she was in pigtails to try to look the part of an eighteen year old girl. At least the guy looked good, minus the yellow Slim Shady hair color. At least he had a six back, nice butt and was well endowed. I bet in his head he was thinking "God how did I end up with this girl? They better pay me double!"

God, what trash. That was supposed to be a new movie too. I think I'm done with porn all together. Nothing about it was enjoyable for me anymore. Daylan ruined that months ago. Now I just see porn for everything that it is. I think I'll stick with romance scenes in chick flicks if I need some mental stimulation, or I'll just imagine Dean from the show Supernatural.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Thinking about having kids? Perhaps you should think twice.

I saw this on Facebook and thought "How appropriate is this? I've been thinking about a second child." It's been five years and there are some things that I have forgotten. I think this was a nice reminder, but first I will state why I am thinking twice about having a second child. 

I already have one child but I was thinking about another one until yesterday. In Game Stop, a woman brought six kids to the store. Two of them definitely weren't hers but all of them (except the young teenager) were unruly. They were screaming, running around the store, pushing each other and I wanted to spank all of them. Now I'm thinking twice about having a second child. I don't know if I'll be that lucky the second time. Gabriel rarely woke up, he started sleeping through the night when he was a month and a half old, and he knows not to misbehave in public. Like I said, I may not get so lucky the second time around.

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

For anyone else reading this - I'm thrilled that you are all enjoying it, as I did - immensely. However, I DID NOT write it! It was sent in an email from a friend of mine... and I'm not sure who the original author is.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

So I am in our room...

I'm in our room, minding my own business, and I come across this site. I decide to read it and I begin to laugh so hard that I am crying. Not only that, my head hurts and my stomach hurts. I should have ate earlier. Daylan decides to check up on me and asks me why I've been laughing for over an hour because it is distracting. I tell him about this site and he asks me what is wrong with me because I'm snorting now. I just can't breathe.

I bet he is wondering if I have lost my mind.

Anyway, the site is called www.damnyouautocorrect.com. I swear, it is my new favorite site. As everyone knows, iPhones don't have keyboards. Their keyboards are touch screens and they aren't exactly....accurate. To top that mess off, it still uses auto correct and has a larger dictionary than previous phones. All that means is that I get more laughs from reading people's text messages. 

Warning! Some of these are sexual in nature when they really are not meant to be. Here are some samples:
























Auto correct 23, texters 0. Oh yeah baby!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Some people just need their tubes tied!

A friend shared a link on FB and I almost regret reading it. I'm pro-choice and I feel that a woman can do what she wants with her pregnancy, within reason. I say within reason because I don't think abortions should be used as a method of birth control but I can see instances where pregnancy just isn't the way to go. My views have been changing but I'm still pro-choice. There are just some women who shouldn't get that choice.

The whole story behind this article is about a family that is desperate to have a baby girl. With three healthy boys at home, the parents were pregnant and delivered a girl but the girl died shortly after birth. They claim to have been "robbed" of the little girl that they deserved and took additional methods to ensure another pregnancy. Once they discovered they were having twin boys, the family chose to abort both kids. They are trying to fight to say that they should be able to take some miracle drug that pre-determines whatever sex you want your child to be and they keep getting denied. She is saying her mental well being is hinged on having the baby girl that she lost.

Ok, I get they are upset but they aren't getting that little girl back. I just see so many things wrong with it. The article refused to give names, and that is probably the best thing that couple could have done despite their obvious stupidity, and they also didn't say how old the other three kids are. Can you imagine how they must feel? Mommy and Daddy are so obsessed with this one child that died, understandably, but they are so obsessed with having a girl. With them being boys, they must not feel worthy. The mother says she loves her boys, but really...how much love and attention can she possibly be giving them when she aborted two boys?

Another thing is that you don't find out the gender of a baby until you are 16 weeks or so. Legal abortions can not be done after 12 weeks. This woman was willing to go through a pregnancy almost to its halfway mark only to decide that she didn't like the results? She wants to play God? "No, these just won't do. Do away with them." So rather than adopting her two boys out at birth, she decides to abort them?

The way I see it, chances are she would have had another boy anyway. He obviously created five boys in the family and we all know that the sperm is what determines the sex of a child. Chances are they would have had to conceive quite a few more times till they got their jackpot. The gender needle would probably continue to hit on the blue mark. There are families that have six boys or six girls. They always try for a different sex but they never get it.

These drugs just are not the answer. There is no guarantee that it would work and the effects it may have on an embryo is inconclusive. Who knows what mental and/or physical abnormalities this child may have due to the reaction of the drug. A parent can spend a ton of money on some pills that may not work. Chances are, if they already were pregnant with five boys, they would still be told "Congratulations, it's a boy! Why are you crying?" Even if they found out they were having a girl, how would they feel if she isn't born right? She could be born blind, have failing organs, hidden testes or other health concerns. Would they feel horrible if they knew that all this could have been prevented if they just didn't try to play God? What if it was another boy? Would they just waste that money and abort another child?

If they are so determined to have a girl, then they need to find alternatives. They obviously didn't look into adoption and it may be for a stupid reason like "This child wouldn't be ours biologically." Whooptie do! At least they would be giving a child a home rather than denying a child of life. There are many couples who would have adopted both of those baby boys at birth. They wouldn't have cared what organ was between their legs. Or go to a sperm bank and choose a man who produces female offspring. You can go and screen for that. I'm sure the husband would understand....or would he? If they aren't willing to adopt, how would one feel to know that the mother is in fact blood?

They need to go ahead and focus their love and attention on the three children they already have. The state needs to tie her tubes. It is either that or she will get pregnant again and possibly have another abortion. Besides, if her mental well being is determined on her having a female, who is to say that her mental well being will even improve? Sometimes simple counseling won't work.

Here is the article if you feel the inkling to read it.
http://www.news.com.au/national/desperate-couple-abort-twin-boys-in-desperate-bid-for-ivf-girl/story-e6frfkvr-1225983907853

Friday, January 7, 2011

Cooking for a guest and a new obsession

Today was a pretty decent day. I didn't even notice that I was alone all day (like I usually am). The first part of the morning was spent on Facebook. It just seems to be a guilty and addicting pleasure. The rest of the say, off an on, was spent preparing foods. During this time, I kept wondering how people have the time to prepare breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday. I also wondered how families with lots of kids were able to prepare meals daily. It then dawned on me that either a) they wake up very early or b) they just don't do it.

The homemade potato salad I made had to be refrigerated for a few hours so that was the first thing I did. I took five russet potatoe and five eggs. I boiled both in separate pots until they were ready. While the potatoes cooled on a cutting board, I put the eggs in ice water. In a small bowl, I combined mustard, sour cream, mayo, relish, honey chili sauce, paprika, pepper and a little bit of salt. Once the eggs and the potatoes were cool, I cut them into small pieces and added some celery in at the last minute. That was covered and put into the refrigerator.

The next thing that was made was a homemade chewy granola bar. It was flour, brown sugar, molasses, oats and raisins. In a bowl, I melted a cup of butter and beat an egg. Mixing it was difficult to do because it took a while to get it to mix evenly. Once that was completed, it was placed in a greased pan and thrown into the oven for half an hour and then left out to cool.

The dinner was supposed to be a pork dish but I'm noticing I don't particularly like pork that much. It was a good thing because I had chicken instead. The dish was a Chicken Delight dish. It was cubed chicken, two sliced zucinni's, diced green apple, four green onions, a can of seasoned tomatoes, 4oz of sliced mushrooms, cinnamon, italien seasoning, salt and pepper. It turned out much better than I thought and it looked beautiful. The apple was still firm but it absorbed a lot of flavoring so it isn't like you noticed it being super sweet. The one thing I would change is I would use less fluid from the can of tomatoes and less cinnamon.



Everything was a hit. I had enough to plate three dishes generously and I even had enough to put in tupperware for Daylan's friend/co-manager, Kristie. I'll have to have him bring it to her tomorrow or something. We had the granola bars for dessert as well as vanilla ice cream. It took a while to get all of this done, but Emily has never had my food before. I wanted to impress her. Word of mouth amongst the family is always a good thing.

The rest of the evening was fun. We watched Tristan and Isolde. Well, Daylan tried to watch it. Emily and I talked and giggled amongst ourselves. It doesn't help that he just didn't find the movie interesting. It was a chick flick after all. Once the movie was done, he gave me money to go to Hastings to get Avatar The Last Airbender Book Two: Earth. Emily and I were extremely excited. The instant we got back to the house, we kicked Daylan off of the XBOX and we put the first disk in.

Needless to say, we made it very entertaining. The episode with the hippies was the best. Emily has me laughing to the point of tears. Daylan kept muting the parts with the songs so I wouldn't memorize it and he kept pausing it because I was laughing so hard. Of course I would enjoy this alone. I watched the whole first season in a matter of five or six hours straight through. I'm sure I'll secretly do it again. I say secretly because Daylan got upset when I told him the truth. He wanted to watch it with me....but he had already watched it before. I just wanted to be on even ground. :)

Anyone who has never seen Avatar The Last Airbender needs to get on the ball! I jumped on that bandwagon late but this is a show that my son would watch. It won a lot of awards. It is funny, it has its child-like features but it has a true storyline. Besides, there are only three seasons. They are $30 each at Hastings (each season is called "Books") so it is a pretty inexpensive show to own. People will say the movie sucks compared to the show and I would have to disagree. Yes, there is a lot that was left out but half of what are in the shows are just fluff for sheer entertainment. It doesn't have a lot to do with the storyline. Some of the story was altered a little but I loved the movie. Aang and Sokko aren't annoying in the movie while their characters in the show simply were almost intolerable in the show. You can tell they are 12 and 15 in the show. I also loved the special effects in the movie. It looked amazing. People can just suck it.

Seriously, people need to check out this show. I don't care if you watch it on Hulu or Netflix. You should watch a few episodes (they are 20 minutes without the commercials) and see if you like it. I loved it after the pilot. Of course I had seen the movie before I knew there was a show, but it didn't matter to me.

Anyway, I am going to go to bed. I popped some aspirin to subdue my menstrual cramps. I'm hoping they will go away so I can sleep. It is 3am now. This whole cramping before periods is severely over-rated. I know it is time for me to have it, but god I use to never cramp! Getting off my Ortho Tri Cyclen six years ago was the start to this garbage. I am very happy with my IUD, so I can live with the cramps in the beginning.

Ok...one more aspirin.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Electronic Wish List

CDs
Eminem- Recovery
Rhianna-Loud
Taylor Swift- Speak Now
Usher- Raymond vs. Raymond

Movies
The Last Airbender
Inception
Karate Kid
Robin Williams Weapons of Destruction
Jo Koy Don't Make Him Angry


TV Shows
Supernatural Season 5
House Season 6
Grey's Anatomy Season 6
Private Practice Seasons 1-3
Avatar The Last Airbender: Book Three Fire
Beverly Hills 90210 Seasons 4-8
Nip/Tuck  Season 5 Part 2

There have to be alternatives

We went grocery shopping again and once again our tab was over $100. I'll be the first to admit that we did buy stuff we didn't need. I didn't need the nuts but it was a healthy snack that was $1 each and I allowed Daylan to put stuff in that we didn't need. The fact still remains that we are spending way more than we should.

Since I started to put in real vegetables and real fruit in our diet, our bill has increased and the number of coupons I can use has decreased. Something has to give! I've been watching the show, Extreme Couponing, and have been trying to get inspired, but I can't do what they do. I don't have the space to have my own mini grocery store and I don't have a use for 30 items of certain things. I also won't be here long enough to find a local produce vender and a farm for meat. It is cool to be able to get a $630 bill down to $2.34. That practically is free food, but stuff would go bad before we could get to it.

Also, without a license, I don't have the means to go everywhere for coupons or shop in three different stores for the best deals. I should be able to get my license back by the end of next month (finally!) and I'll be able to do all that then. I can't wait. I can actually do the shopping how I want. Of course I'll be in FL and Daylan will be in TX but that is besides the point.

Daylan is just going to have to understand that we may have to shop in two stores: one for the meat and one for everything else (unless the store that carries our meat has a sale).

What I am considering, down the road, is growing my own vegetables. That would save on my produce costs but I don't have the room for it. For one, the house we are in now is his grandparent's rental. Nothing grows in the dirt here and if it did grow, the deer would eat it. What I want to grow requires a lot of soil and who knows if there are pots that are big enough for it. I want to grow spinach, broccoli, tomatoes (but I can get a topsy turvy for that), mushrooms, strawberries, carrots, mint and some other stuff. I'm sure most of these would spread fast and I would be better off growing them outdoors. I'm thinking that it would be better to wait till we own our own home.

I guess I'll just start with the small stuff or just stuff I know won't require a lot of room. I'm just not sure of what that would be.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

I can't help it if it is brought to my damn attention

People always complain about people are too into their business but it seems as though all they do is put their business out there on Facebook. I get it is their page but they have to know that 1) it is human nature to question 2) good friends are going to want to know what is going on and 3) haters are going to want to know what they can gossip on. If you don't want people to know, then don't put it out there.

The reason why this is irritating is because I was friends with a couple; Ron and Star. I originally knew Ron because he was one of my regulars when I was at Sonic. A few years later I discovered him on Myspace (or did he discover me?). Then we both went to Facebook. He began dating this girl, Star, and out of respect I added her. I became close friends with her and talked to her more than him.

Nine months and three break-ups later, I tried to remain as neutral as I could possibly be and I admit, it was hard. Both are slamming the other. I happened to be in touch with Star and I noticed these random girls get involved so I started to lean more towards her corner. Star said it was done and while she was still living there, she said he was being really cold towards her. Once she started her second job, I didn't really hear from her. It's been a couple of days.

Tonight I see a photo of them both, at Nighttown (a local club) and I'm confused. He is talking shit about how he would never ever be with her again and would rather burn than be in the same room as her. She says that she is tired of his mood swings, tired of him allegedly cheating and wants to move on. In fact, I was hoping she could move in with me but now I am thinking that may be a mistake.

For one thing, I don't WANT to know their drama but me being a semi-therapist, I always want to know what is going on so I can give advice. Part of it is so I feel good that my life isn't so complicated. Another thing is I don't want her on my lease as I rent a three bedroom place and then have her ditch me to live with him again when I know I won't be able to afford anything larger than a two bedroom place. I doubt I'll be able to rent a two bedroom for a few months and who knows what my pay will be a month once I get a job.

The rest of my friends in that area are all couples. They are living with their partners and there aren't many I would trust living with me (and my son) because of what could be stolen and what kind of trouble they will bring. If I am assuming that this person will pay for a certain amount of the rent and bills and then they don't, I'll be screwed. I'll be in this hole. I barely was able to afford my last apartment once I started working for O'Charley's. When I was at Sonic, it wasn't even remotely a problem. I can't just assume I can afford everything or I wouldn't consider a roommate but I don't want to have someone living with me that is going to get me involved in all this b.s. and who may ditch me for this on-again, off-again relationship and then ask to move back in.

I sent Star a friendly text of "Hello, love. How are you?" and she hasn't answered. Granted, she may be working and I can't assume she is ignoring me but if this goes on for a couple of days I continue to see/read stuff about them, I will just assume that my faith in her was for not and that I will just have to assume I will be on my own. If that is the case, I will look for the cheapest possible place to live, even if it is the smallest (as long as it is a two bedroom).

Saturday, January 1, 2011

This blog may be under editorial construction.

I haven't decided if I want to keep this blog to myself, with the option of people stumbling upon it if they so desire, or if I want to market it like I did with myspace. Myspace was nice because I had over 30 followers but then I started having issues with myspace in my personal like. Daylan wasn't involved in any of that. While having that many followers (there could have been more, but they weren't subscribed) was nice, it was kind of trapping.

It isn't like I have anything to hide. If that were the case, I could create a separate blog for my "personal life". I just think that I want to be able to find my groove again, both in writing and in life, without being scrutinized. I don't write as often as I did and I do plan on changing it. I plan on a few small changes but nothing too big. I am partly afraid that the people who don't need to be reading my blog will in fact do so. There are things that certain people don't have the right to know.

I think part of it is because I have noticed a decline in my writing abilities. People use to tell me that they could envision everything that I wrote as if they were living it themselves. They use to say that my diary entries should be a book. I need to really go back to my roots and figure out how I was able to do that. That means I need to work on my grammar, my thesis, my adjectives (which means I need to grab my thesaurus again) and work on writing in those funny puns.  I also need to work on my mix of random topics and my real life stories. I got side-tracked towards the end of my writing and random topics became the only thing I would write about. Most of all, I need to stop starting sentences with "I".

The decision of what to do with my blog may ultimately be decided with how I can improve my skills and how I can shape this blog. Maybe this will be just for me. Maybe I will advertise it. One will never know because I don't know. We will see. Maybe my two followers will turn into thirty.

I resolve to....

actually do the stuff on my list this year. I didn't make one last year but the year before that was rather....unpractical. Daylan had just dumped me and in my sorrow, I "vowed" to do all sorts of activities to not only make me a better person but to help me forget Daylan. I just didn't know that my finances would drop shortly afterwards and that I wouldn't be able to afford most of what was on my list.

Oh, Happy New Year!


So far, 2011 has been rough (not for me). Gabriel's four year old cousin was admitted into the hospital yesterday. She had been sick for a few days prior and had a fever. I guess she had a really high fever because the following day she began to vomit and have diarrhea. The next day, she had a seizure. Not only did she have a seizure but she stopped breathing. Her lips were blue. Jennie was on the phone talking to the 911 dispatcher (frantically) and Travis was giving Payden mouth to mouth as well as chest compressions. Payden had a few more seizures in the ambulance and then was sent home, where she had even more seizures. She has had a total of 13 in the course of 12 hours. She is on anti-seizure medicine and has to see a neurologist in six months. In the time being, she is aware but is having trouble walking and feeding herself. I have high hopes that Payden will recover. Really high hopes. Kids bounce back and you forget anything ever happened to them.

Daylan's great grandmother, Mamaw, was admitted to the hospital today. Her regular doctor in the nursing home said she had a respiratory infection, but all her tests are coming back normal. She is going to be 92. It seems as though she is fine and will be returned to the nursing home this afternoon. I think it is just her age catching up with her but it is better safe than sorry. I'd rather Mamaw go to the hospital for trivial stuff to be proven correct than to have whatever symptom she has be ignored and her die because it grew to be something bigger.

Anyway, now that the news is out of the way, here is my resolution list. It isn't in any particular order. It is the order in which it pops in my head.

  1. Lose 10-15lbs. I'm not looking into getting back to my weight in high school; I'd have to be anorexic for that. If I were to be 110lbs, I'd be a skeleton. Technically my weight isn't an issue, but I think if I were to lose some weight, then my waist line would shrink a little. I think 135lbs is a good goal and I'm about 150lbs.
  2. Eat healthier. I've been doing well as far as dinners are concerned. Fresh vegetables and I make a lot of my dinners from scratch but I'm hoping to do more breakfasts and lunches but still do it in a healthy manner. 
  3. Volunteer somewhere. I am thinking I may volunteer at the local college back at home for their plays. It could be great experience with my makeup. I know I'd really like to volunteer at an animal shelter but if that doesn't work, then being a "Big Sister" could be a great idea.
  4. Take up more hobbies. While I am really enjoying doing makeup, I would like to take up pottery, painting, dancing and knitting. Maybe sewing as well. Daylan is so involved with his video games and his job that I spend a lot of time alone. When I am in FL and he is in TX, I would like some stuff I can do on my own (or with friends) so that I won't always be bugging him via text.
  5. Keep in touch with my friends and family more. Facebook is a great thing but I need to talk to people more one on one. I'm much better at texting, but I'd like to do more personal phone calls. 
  6. Blog more. I use to write all the time, but then Daylan asked me not to and I stupidly agreed. There is a year of my life that is now forgotten. Some of it is probably for the best. Regardless of the who's and the why's, I still want to write the way that I use to.
  7. Eliminate the negatives. I have done a good job about taking away a lot of the people who did nothing but bring me down, but I've done that job too well. I've become more of a home-body and I'm not that person. Trust me, I'd rather be this than to be the person I was two years ago who was stuck in the middle of a ton of drama and a ton of headaches. I just need the happy median. 
  8. Get two jobs, for a full year, and get my savings account back up. I know Daylan and I will be working to save up for a wedding (and possibly a honeymoon), but I still want $5000 in savings by the end of the year.
  9. Either do a refresher course in cosmetology or go back to nursing (or both-cosmetology first as a back-up)
  10. Get a portfolio together with my make-up looks. 
  11. Plan some cool trips and activities for Gabriel. There are a bunch of stuff going on around FL, I just have to find it. Gabriel is 5 years old now. His interests are rising.
  12. Have either professional photos with Gabriel and myself or with myself, Gabriel and Daylan.
  13. Save more money. I was doing really well with the coupons, but then our printer started messing up. Now I have no coupons and our grocery bills are still close to $100 a week. If we weren't buying fresh fruits and vegetables, our bill would be cheaper.
  14. Grow my own vegetables. I think that would definitely help with my grocery bills. I'm thinking broccoli is definitely a must.
  15. Get insurance. I've been stressed out about not having health insurance. I could have used stitches back in August when I got that gash over my temple but I never went. Now I have a nasty scar and I can't help but think it wouldn't look so horrible if I had only had the insurance to get stitches. Oh, having dental and all that would help too.
  16. Travel just a little big more. Well, travel to some new places. Yeah, that would definitely be fun.
I think that is about it. Anything past that may be excessive and unrealistic. I think it is good to have goals and to have things to work towards. So here is to a good year and to goals achieved!

 Oh! For those who partied last night, I hope that 1) you didn't drink and drive and 2) you aren't battling a huge hangover. For those who get to party tonight, same rules apply. Happy drinking! :)