Today should have been a good day for me but it was just a day of different discoveries. I tried new things, I found things and tonight was a new experience. Sometimes new and different isn't always better.
It started out with wanting to do something new with my hair. Once the dishes were done, I did an at home mask that I found online. I cracked two eggs, beat it and then I mixed in some honey, EVOO and mayo. It was a weird greasy, sticky and creamy texture. I never thought those three adjectives could be used on one thing. Oh, the mayo made it smell horrible but I put it in my hair. EVOO, honey and mayo are supposed to have moisturizing qualities so I worked it in like I was applying hair color. I put my hair on top and then wrapped my head in saran wrap. I put a blow dryer to it for about five minutes and then left it in for about half an hour.
The results weren't how I was hoping it would be. It took some effort to get the mixture to wash out, but my hair seemed to feel dryer and sticker than normal so I applied conditioner to it. Even the Nexxus conditioner I used couldn't make my dry hair feel silky smooth. I then put some EVOO in a bottle and spritzed it in my hair when I got out of the shower. It didn't help either. It just made my hair flat and greasy. I got a bit frustrated but it was a good thing that I was just going to put it up in a ponytail later on that evening. Maybe I can try a different concoction with bananas and EVOO.
The next thing I tried was my new Oxy Clean products. The treatment made my skin feel dry, like I put acne cream all over my face. The moisturizer made my skin burn and itch. It wasn't good under my makeup. The foundation kept coming off in little balls. I blended it the best I could and tried to be really sparing with the powder. I know now to only use this on days where I don't have to go anywhere since I won't be wearing makeup over it.
Some time during this, Daylan got a text. He left his phone with me so I could call his dad for a ride in case Daylan couldn't so it's not like I stole the phone to snoop through it. It was from Crystal Benge but there weren't any previous messages, which seemed strange to me. I have no idea who she is. He's never talked about her. I've never even heard from her. All she asked was "You really like it?" So I asked "I really like what?" "My hair." While this could be completely innocent, I'm still wondering why there aren't previous comments. If they just started texting, then shouldn't there be a "Hi" text? Why was this deleted?
What makes it worse is I discover photos on his phone. They are models, but they are underwear models. What makes it worse is they are the same two women. Boob shots. Ass shots. Hip shots. Leg shots. One is even nude. One is a picture of a girl's ass inside sonic. I got so upset that I deleted every one of them. Over 40 pictures were deleted. His computer was worse. Over 200 pictures of boobs, butts, and tattooed vaginas. I deleted all of them. By this time I was furious and on the verge of crying, so I deleted all the porn too. I didn't talk to him much on the way to work and on the way back.
I haven't had this sneaking suspition for a few months but I had issues a while back. He would wake up early in the morning and watch porn thinking I was still asleep. A year ago he was texting various people.He slept with a friend, for the brief period we were broken up, and this was a friend who said she was rooting for us to get back together. I haven't talked to her since. Yes, we were broken up and he wasn't cheating, but it was a friend of OURS. He was texting another mutual friend of ours, but I had a talk with her about it. Her and I still talk because apparently it wasn't much to her, but I guess he just liked the attention. I caught one full 300 text message conversation, and it wasn't pretty. Yes he was in Texas and she was in Florida, but I caught him texting her the first morning I came here to visit him after he moved out here. I almost broke up with him then. I haven't been able to fully let go of that paranoia and this may be completely innocent, but he hasn't had a good record so far. My sex drive has gone down since I caught him watching porn every morning. I just don't have sex anymore but most of that is because I am disgusted with how he is letting himself go, because he was being pushy and because I don't feel good about how I feel. Well he can't watch porn in secret unless he downloads more.
That just didn't put me in a good mood. Hopefully the mysterious texts are nothing. I was trusting him again and I'd hate for my trust to be broke again because then I won't be sleeping right. I'll be paranoid every time he gets out of bed. I'll be wondering what window he is closing when he hears me walking towards him. I don't want to be going through that again.
Work was dumb. All I did is follow my trainer, Mark, around like a puppy. Most of it was a reminder course but I do need to actually look at the menu. I had never heard of the restaurant beforehand so the food is completely new. From what I saw, the food is very cheap which can be both a good and bad thing. It means that while more people will flock there because they can afford it, it also means that if people tip on a percentage of the total bill then I'll be screwed. It will all depend on how wonderful my service is. Tomorrow I'll be talking more since I will be in charge of taking the appetizer orders.
Tomorrow should be a better day. I will be working a double and since I'm assuming lunch time will be slower, I can actually train on the squirrel system and take a look at the appetizers. I do know that the chips/salsa and the spinach dip are what we promote because they are fast, but the senior citizens tend to order onion rings. Hey, it's a start. So I work from 11 till whenever and then I go back at 5:30. I don't know how I'm going to get home. I suppose I should bring a book. Daylan won't be able to pick me up after 7 and while I don't want his dad or step-mother to pick me up, it may be my only option, unless I just sit and wait for him, or I see if maybe I can get a ride from someone at work. This is why I didn't want Daylan to tell me to work whenever. Getting to and from work may be a problem but if I were to work around his schedule, I probably wouldn't get hired. It's so ridiculous. It's also too far for me to walk. It would take me over three hours just to walk home.
I will just have to cross that bridge when I get there. I just want to shake off all this bad juju and just sleep peacefully. I want tomorrow to be a bright, sunny day where I forget all of this nonsense and say "I won't be put in a bad mood."
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