I just have to have this repeat in my head, "I'm on my period. Calm down." It just seems that Daylan is bound and determined to have me blow up on him. It's taking everything in me to not do anything more than give him the 'eat shit and die' glare. I'm literally tired because I'm trying to not unleash the fury I am feeling inside of me. He doesn't understand that my insides feel like they are dying. I'm low on iron because I have such heavy cycles each month. The little things do nothing but make me see red and all I want to do is be as far away from his ignorant ass as I can because his stupid actions aren't helping. All I want to do is take a hammer to his xbox 360 or take a frying pan to the back of his head. "I'm on my period. Calm down." Woosah. Breathe. He is a guy. He is stupid.
These are the days when I wish I had a lesbian lover. She wouldn't be screaming at a video game. She wouldn't be cussing or saying words that shouldn't be in the American language. She also wouldn't be playing video games three times a day. She would also walk with me when she says she wants to work out. This lesbian lover would be more in tune with me rather than tuning me out with those damned turtle beach headphones. I ask him something and he doesn't listen. He asks me something and doesn't pay attention to the answer. The oven buzzer goes off and he is still playing even when I am telling him that food is ready. I may just take a hammer to that 360 soon.
I told Daylan that it feels like my insides are dying, I am bleeding constantly and I will break the stupid machine. He asked me why I feel so bad. Well duh. I also told him that it pisses me off when I hear him scream at the tv from across the house and no matter how many times I ask him to stop he continues. It always results in my yelling at him in return because while it is a "stress reliever" for him, all it does it make me stressed. I'm tired of saying something to him and it goes through one ear and out the other. How the hell is that supposed to make me feel? It just makes me want to knock his ass out. When he came to and saw me standing over him with that frying pan, he'd start to listen to me then.
On a positive note, Daylan did give me his other site of turtle beach headphones so I could tune him out. I believe that this is perhaps what I needed. I've been listening to music that has made me want to dance. I've kept it very upbeat and almost like club music. I definitely feel better. Now if only I had a bigger tub. I could go in there and just relax. Turn some music on, lock the doors, light some candles and just melt away. One day we will own one of these tubs. Something long enough for me. Something deep. Maybe add some jacuzzi jets in it. I want to be able to put some candles and bath oils around.That would be heaven. Until then, these headphones will just have to do.
It does seem as though something is wrong with our outdoor freezer. Daylan says it's running, but it just doesn't seem to be cooling. At least I feel better that it wasn't something like my leaving the door cracked. Maybe I can have Daylan called David, the family maintenance man, and see if maybe he knows what is wrong with our freezer. I certainly don't want to have to go through this again. A website I read said that technically there is nothing wrong with meat if it has to be frozen a second time. It's just frowned upon because the meat breaks apart a bit because there are crystals forming in it. The food quality may go downhill but as long as the meat isn't warm, there shouldn't be a problem. For now, our tiny freezer inside the house is just jam packed. It's such a pain. This is why I loved having this outdoors freezer because it gave me room. I was able to stock up and not worry about space.
I've been thinking about school a lot lately. I'm really wanting to go back in. I feel so horrible being 27 and not having a college degree of any kind. I understand a lot of moms wait till their kids are in school so they can go back into college. I saw it in the classes I took but it doesn't make me feel any better. I want to go back in so I can at least feel a little bit better about myself. Gosh, getting jobs (and higher paying ones) would be so much easier if I had a college degree. I definitely need to come up with a game plan with Daylan about school. I may have to wait another year because I am going to try to get two jobs when I get to FL so I can get my debts paid off, save up for a house, save for a wedding (and honeymoon) and get a savings account set up again. Getting money saved up is just step one. I still want to be able to go back to school at some point.
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