Is it possible to feel so anxious and so mellow at the same time? I've just been so jumbled lately. Being as hormonal as I have been certainly doesn't seem to be helping me the past few days. Normally being on my period doesn't bother me (despite living in the bathroom and having extra laundry no matter what I do) but lately I just can't wait for it to be over. This is getting to be a bit stressful. It's also making it to where Daylan and I are getting on each other's last nerve. It's mostly me but whenever I am irritated with him, he is in turn irritated with me. It is what it is. I don't want to not have my periods, but I certainly don't want to keep going through this.
The more I think about it, maybe some distance between us will be best. I've been fighting the idea of doing another long distance relationship but now I'm not so sure it would be a bad idea. I have to go back to Florida regardless. I miss my friends, I miss my son and I miss my home. I can get my license again (by the end of the month) when I get there. I can get jobs and be able to have my own life. I certainly don't want to spend a year without him, but maybe this is just what we need. I think some distance in relationships is good for it as long as it doesn't become a regular thing.
As I am typing, we are starting to get slammed by a major cold front. It dropped 12 degrees in just one hour, about an hour ago. It was 28 degrees the last I checked. There is a possibility of snow either tonight or tomorrow. I'm hoping for both because I want to go out in the morning to seeing white everywhere, but I want it to still be snowing so I can get pictures in daylight. If the wind isn't too horrible, which it will be, I'll walk around with my camera again. What I learned this time around is to let the faucets drip. The pipes froze so we couldn't drain the kitchen sink. I also will have to take a quick shower tomorrow. Last week the hot water didn't last more than five minutes because everything was frozen. It's a good thing I only wash my hair twice a week. Washing my hair in ice water is horrible. We also laid down towels at the base of both doors, we left the cabinets under the kitchen sink open and we made sure to turn the heaters on. We are hoping to avoid the problem we had last time because doing dishes in the bathtub really hurts my back.
I'm getting fed up with crap in the house. Everything is old. Who knows when it was all replaced. We've been having issues with the toilet. It is constantly running. If I jiggle the handle, it will stop but sometimes it will start running again. It doesn't even flush correctly and the bowl fills up entirely. A month ago, the toilet overflowed completely. That next day, the sink in the bathroom sprung a leak. Then the sink in the kitchen malfunctioned a week ago because the pipes froze. The hot water apparently doesn't last if it is that cold out. Then last night the outdoor freezer busted. It is still running but it is warm inside. I'm still irritated that there is no dishwasher, washer/dryer hookups and no pantry space here. I'm just irritated living here period. The fact I have no friends here, no job, no freedom here doesn't help the fact that the house is having all these little problems spring up at once.
For some reason, I just don't care right now. I'm irritated, but the house isn't what I am irritated at. I'm just hoping my annoyance with Daylan decreases once my hormones level decrease. I'm just listening to music on my laptop while Daylan watches tv next to me. I found a new band that I am starting to like. I heard "Paperthin Hymn" by Anberlin on MTV so I decided to download the song. I've been listening to it for days so I downloaded more song. Little by little I am listening to them. Some of the songs already seem familiar but I'm debating if got a bad download, if it really is the song I am looking for, or if this was a remake. I know they re-did "Love Song", which 311 covered as well. So who knows. The few songs I've hears so far sound pretty decent.
I've been trying to get back into walking. I did it today and I almost didn't. The loop I walk is approximately a mile and a half. I drove it so it should be correct. I try to do two laps so that way I can feel good about it. My right calf is always hurting me while the rest of my body seems fine. Usually once I sit down a while my lower back pain subsides. I just am not sure why only my one calf is upsetting me. I am right-handed and I know I lead with my right foot, but I don't think I place more weight on my right side so there shouldn't be a reason as to why only that calf is irritating me. Regardless as to why, I am hoping I can trim down again. When I was walking before I twisted my ankle, I was able to get back into quite a few pairs of jeans. Now I don't fit into any. Daylan had to buy me two new pairs just so I could fit. I want those to be my backup jeans but I want to get back to all those pairs that are already in the closet. Not only that, I want it to be a start to the weight loss/trimming I want to do for whenever I do get married. C'mon, if I am going to wear a corset style dress, I want to look good in it. I just wish Daylan would get on board and do this with me.
I'm trying to cut down what I eat at one time and just snack more, but I can't seem to get Daylan to embrace that idea. He just goes back to the kitchen and eat a bowl of cereal. He won't walk with me. I walk for exercise and I want to do it for an hour but I can't seem to get him to walk for longer than 10 minutes. He acts like he will drop dead if he does more than 10 minutes. He says "Aerobic was never my thing. I lifted weights" and I honestly don't know how he survived it if walking for ten minutes is such a hard thing. It would be easier to trim down if he were to support me. This would be a good idea for him as well.
God, it seems as though my posts for the past week to week and a half have all had this underlying negative tone to it. I'm just hoping that once the hormones go that the mood will leave with it. I'm ready to be feeling "happy" again. Well, as happy as I can be when I am inside this house all day everyday and only leave twice a week for short periods if I am lucky. I became compliant so my mood increased but god, I am ready for my period to just go away.
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